I have this rose bush at the end of my deck that spent the
last three years in a state of misery.
Yes, it would bloom from time to time, but it looked….well…thin…and
pathetic. I considered digging it up and
replacing it with something better…..but I have an innate need to rescue
pathetic things and I just didn’t have the heart to abandon it.
The way the previous owners shaped her, I had assumed she
was a traditional rose bush. I kept her
trimmed nicely, fertilized her and treated her with care…..with little
results. My hero, Ray Hunt used to say “if
you do what you’ve always done, you will get what you’ve always gotten.” So…….
Last summer, I spent time watching Ms. Rose and seeing how she
behaved. I stopped trying to tame her
long shoots while still shaping her a bit so she didn’t sprawl out
everywhere. I asked myself what does she want to be. After a couple of months of observing her
natural, unmodified behavior, I realized that Rose wants to climb. She wants to reach new heights, to explore
her surroundings. I allowed her to
sprawl a little….just a little….and was rewarded with beautiful blooms and a
thicker, happier rose bush. She still
looked a little haggard.
This year, I decided to support Rose – to allow her to
climb, spread, and grow. I purchased a
beautiful arbor to give her limbs support.
I lovingly trained her around the iron design and let her be
herself. This year, she repayed my
kindness in spades---or should I say flowers!
I have the most beautiful blooms – and buckets of them! Rose is full and happy.
Sometimes, we treat our relationships the same way. We “manage” the people in our life—keeping them
in the box we feel is appropriate and although they may bloom from time to
time, they are a little thin and aren’t thriving they way they should. We want to keep everyone in step and in
line. Roethke writes in his poem Dolor
that he has seen the inexplicable sadness of pencils all lined up the same in
their box. In business, we have to get
the right people in the right positions so they can thrive….in our
organizations, we need to do the same.
The harder trick is with our personal relationships---our children, our
spouses, our immediate family members.
If we are always getting frustrated and fighting against their natural
tendencies, we aren’t doing anyone favors.
Sometimes we need to let others lead…..sometimes if we are gifted in
planning, we need to be okay with being the one who plans everything.
Like the roses, we need room to be ourselves and we need to
allow others to do likewise…..and celebrate the blooms that reward our
efforts.