tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23495900214202748952024-02-18T23:44:51.281-05:00Divorced Diva's Guide to SurvivalThere is hope at the end of the rainbow...life can be beautiful again! After a 16 year marriage, my X's affair painted my world gray. After years of rebuilding where I learned to paint my life in warm hues with splashes of silver and gold...I am truly living again!!! This is my story-these are my thoughts of building the life I always wanted. If you like this, head on over to my new site www.divorceddivaguide.com Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger101125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-88318340774661078222013-06-02T08:56:00.000-04:002013-06-02T08:56:18.929-04:00St. Benito--Patron Saint of Lost Drivers
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<span style="color: #020f19; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>And
let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do
not give up.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf0tBtEapqOrNYBAV3ba_kkqGwhzCMJVqlphFL1VRzYPVRTDGihYo-LiGZjuqZ6WCw7W7zIBvbKWYMeGwkC7zn_-q7Q0yp8-MUtYhFc_zgiAMnkwFLdzoZXQDR6TTsq0md-Kt1RYt4J1g/s1600/IMG_2663.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf0tBtEapqOrNYBAV3ba_kkqGwhzCMJVqlphFL1VRzYPVRTDGihYo-LiGZjuqZ6WCw7W7zIBvbKWYMeGwkC7zn_-q7Q0yp8-MUtYhFc_zgiAMnkwFLdzoZXQDR6TTsq0md-Kt1RYt4J1g/s320/IMG_2663.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="color: #020f19; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;">We
were on the road in Genoa…..smooth sailing according to our Google Map
directions—piece of cake. Our little
white Fiat CinqueCento, dubbed St. Benito….patron saint of tourist drivers,
zipped through tunnel after tunnel…bridge after bridge…..we were early and life
was good. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #020f19; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;">Our
exit was coming up soon according to the map…..the light from the end of the
tunnel was bright and suddenly a multitude of exit signs appeared—all right
together---for a sharp immediate right----semi on my tail at an “Italian”
distance (meaning he could count the hairs on my head)…..and in a moment’s
time, we missed the exit according to Google Maps. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #020f19; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;">No
worries, we will simply turn around…….bridge…..no exit…..tunnel…..no
exit…..bridge….no exit…..tunnel….no exit.
Kilometers passing. Traffic
getting congested……me reminding myself that the car portion of our trip was
almost over…….and voila! A
Roundabout! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #020f19; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;">We
turn around and zip back to the beginning only to find that the exits are not
marked the same in the other directions…..of course not…..we miss the exit
again and St. Benito is headed towards the Autostrada with no exit for
miles……he hang right to the Airport to turn around…..to start completely
over…..no problem…..no worries. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #020f19; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;">This
began our journey in Genoa….two hours of roaming the streets……of realizing that
Google Maps did not have proper directions…..the exit it wanted us to take took
us kilometers away from our destination and put us smack dab in the middle of
the red-light district…..casinos…..gentlemen’s clubs……graffiti…..we find the
city center where our rental drop off should be located……but now what?? The rental office is closed (of course it is)
and no one answers the phone….the emergency number does not work (It’s Italy on
a Saturday afternoon…..) and my phone navigation system cannot seem to find
us…… We have missed our train….and I am
lost. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #020f19; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>Do
not grow weary in doing what is right…..because in due time, you will reap a
harvest……. </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #020f19; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;">I
want to quit! I want to give up!! I want to put the car in park, grab my
suitcase and find the nearest gelateria.
As I circle back…..street after street…..light after light…..roundabout
after roundabout…..I am over it! I am done!! I’ve got nothing left to give…..and St.
Benito’s protective powers for lost tourists obviously expired and the end of
my agreed upon rental return time….. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #020f19; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;">It’s
easy to grow weary of doing what is right.
It is easy to simply give up when you aren’t appreciated…..when people
do not see your heart….when you give and receive nothing in return. Sometimes, I just want to put life in park
and run away to the nearest vendor of gelato fragola…..un cono con due gusti
per favore…..but the reminder to not give up permeates my soul…… Life is discouraging sometimes…..being a
parent is discouraging sometimes…..trying to blend a family can be
excruciatingly discouraging most of the time…..but if I quit doing what is right,
I am going to miss the sweet harvest. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #020f19; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>Remember to not get tired of doing what is right…..because in due time, you will reap a
harvest at the proper time. </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #020f19; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;">We
see a row of taxis sitting at a monument.
An idea springs forth….what if we paid the taxi driver to take us to our
destination? Ding-Ding-Ding-Ding!! It’s harvest time! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-80050291535702183082012-12-04T21:19:00.000-05:002012-12-04T21:19:14.309-05:00Grandma Jean's Candy Popcorn<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhApnJFSliLawBSe6Sv_I1SMFESn_4SRMz9OiNH8byGPgxtxC5XLjtcAPnQheN6GIvcrDUftaMWLo2cnvHyAShyD4mCcED2K9N0nbGmNiUmXfbWQqq3SqOyiYLzaLSlW6fqhdTD-ob1O-0/s1600/IMG_1885.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhApnJFSliLawBSe6Sv_I1SMFESn_4SRMz9OiNH8byGPgxtxC5XLjtcAPnQheN6GIvcrDUftaMWLo2cnvHyAShyD4mCcED2K9N0nbGmNiUmXfbWQqq3SqOyiYLzaLSlW6fqhdTD-ob1O-0/s320/IMG_1885.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
Growing up in Arkansas, one thing that always reminded me of Christmas was Grandma Jean's candy popcorn. She would make a batch of red and a batch of green and have it sitting on the counter in a hugantic metal bowl. It was completely addicting!!! <br />
<br />
Last year, as I was looking for a retro dessert for my Christmas party, I remembered the recipe and have fallen in love with it all over again. <br />
<br />
Here is the recipe:<br />
<br />
<b><i>Grandma Jean's Candy Popcorn</i></b><br />
<br />
4 quarts popped popcorn (popped stovetop is the best - and popping it in Coconut oil is even better)<br />
3 cups sugar<br />
1 cup water<br />
1 tsp vanilla<br />
Food Coloring (I found out that they make organic food coloring out of vegetables - made me feel better about using it and the color was actually even better than with traditional food coloring). <br />
<br />
Put sugar and water into a pan and boil until a drop of the mixture into a glass of cold water makes a soft ball. Just keep stirring after it starts to boil and every once in a while check to see how the mixture feels in the water. In the beginning, it will simply dissipate and then it will make a soft drop in the bottom. When you can turn it into a ball in the water with your fingers, it is ready. Don't over process or it won't be as pretty. <br />
<br />
Add vanilla and food coloring to your preference, pour it over the top of the popcorn and stir. You will need a very large bowl to do this in or you'll make a mess (trust me, popcorn will go everywhere if the bowl is too small). <br />
<br />
You can also add nuts to the popcorn if you want. <br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-29440506330060342362012-09-06T08:44:00.001-04:002012-09-06T08:50:24.629-04:00Fire in the Sandbox! <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">Sometimes,
we have to look at things from a different angle to get a solution. For about a year, I have been treating a skin
condition with everything I could find – cortisone, tea tree oil, blue goop and
avoiding all lotions, creams and oils.
Things would seem to get better and then BAM! It comes back with a
vengeance and spreads even further. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">I knew the
cause of my condition, but I wanted an outward fix for an inward condition……let
me just repeat that for myself to hear…..I wanted an outward fix for an inward
condition. Well, I am nothing if not
consistent…. How many times have I told
myself, if it wasn’t for x..y..and of course Z, I would not have behaved that
way. If he wouldn’t JKL then I wouldn’t
LMN….what a load of KaKa!! I want to fix
all of the outward manifestations of an inside problem…..but I really don’t
want to examine the actual inside. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">To rid
myself of my condition, I have to eliminate all US wines, cut down on other
wine, limit cheese, bread, and sugar—oh and drink a nasty concoction involving
Apple Cider Vinegar. Um….yeah…..see my
reluctance??? But……my condition worsened
until I had to do something and I am seeing great, amazing progress!! I had to readjust my inside to get a true
outside fix. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">After my
X’s affair, the deacons of my church strongly suggested that I install software
on his computer to keep him off certain sites and to monitor his behavior. I told them in no uncertain terms that I was
his wife, not his nanny---they said I was a fool. Well…maybe….but I don’t think so. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">Prior to
the discovery of the affair, we (read Becky) had a system of boundaries and
checks and balances—that just meant that my X and my friend had created
elaborate ways to get around them. I had
come to realize that my X’s behavior was between him and God—why should I
control him?? Letting go of controlling
his outward behavior allowed me to retain my dignity in a difficult
situation. It was not my fault…..I could
not fix it…it wasn’t mine to fix. The
affair was an outward manifestation of an inward condition…no band-aid in the
world would fix it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">The Man has
a wonderful saying—that when we fight, it’s simply our dysfunctions
colliding. My dysfunction butts up
against his…doesn’t politely say excuse me…..and his butts right back. We’re like two kids in the sand box
emotionally pushing each other back into our own space. I pick up a handful of sand, throw it in his
eyes, and he exclaims, “that wasn’t fair!”
He finds kitty poop and smudges it on my favorite shirt….and it’s
ON! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">What he
says is accurate, however, the word dysfunction makes me
feel broken….unusable….defective. The
actual definition of the prefix Dys is:
diseased, abnormal and faulty.
Dysfunction is so overused and has such a negative connation that it’s
difficult to accept my behavior as a dysfunction….I am a Princess….I do not
DYS-function!!! (Of course, this has
nothing to do with my tendency to avoid things….look the other way…you see
nothing….) During my run today, I decided that there is a better word for
me: Mis-function. I am not functioning the way I am supposed
to….I have misfired. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">Many of my
Mis-functions are actually a result of my strengths….which I think is pretty
common…..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">Affectionate
can mis-function to become smothering<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">Problem
solving can mis-function to become blaming<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">Detail
oriented can mis-function to become critical<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">Protective
can mis-function to become controlling<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">Passionate
can mis-function to become bat s**t crazy! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">To grow
emotionally, I must look at my mis-fires, my mis-functions and discover what is
going on inwardly that creates the outward behavior. I have to get better at expressing my
emotions—not my frustrations, not my list of gripes, but those feelings that
press the FIRE button at a moment’s notice.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13.0pt;">But, just
like my initial attempt to “heal” my skin condition, I typically want to fix
the outside…(read: everyone else). But for true emotional healing, one must
first look to the inside and the outside will follow. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-46382088347026020322012-07-26T10:49:00.002-04:002012-08-02T07:49:03.158-04:00Slobber Straps<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRnt_WQBz5hvBq1DU_UFsju0AnZc6-TfHcgZ5lUCTDjISXCZkrtn1dvCH1KxF3YbnCCvDmgF3o1lENPNte4mtYQJfZJ3q1PNGlZ6-zPj7xaTU8i4NHgRF2n4dnUGWSXT3J6FEc6UV39Qw/s1600/IMG_1549.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRnt_WQBz5hvBq1DU_UFsju0AnZc6-TfHcgZ5lUCTDjISXCZkrtn1dvCH1KxF3YbnCCvDmgF3o1lENPNte4mtYQJfZJ3q1PNGlZ6-zPj7xaTU8i4NHgRF2n4dnUGWSXT3J6FEc6UV39Qw/s320/IMG_1549.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My strappy sandals sometimes sport slobber stains. It’s true!!
I have a penchant to open my mouth and insert a size 8 sandal….no
notice……no warning signs…..I just talk happily away…chit-chat-chit-chat until
my words drop to the ground with a THUD….and then…..awkward silence…people look
away….silence….and then I realize that I have done it again….a witty remark is
born in my brain, gives birth through my lips and like a rebellious teenager,
goes where I did not mean it to go. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Such an instance happened a few weeks ago. Someone casually asked me, “How’s Married
Life???” In an effort to be “real” and
“wise” and “profound,” I said, “well you know the first year is always the hardest
year, but we are having a great time……” The exact words are banished from my
mind forever and replaced with the subtle taste of The Body Shop peppermint
foot oil. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I meant to convey is that The Man and I are crazy
happy, we’ve made it through the challenges of blending a family of six kids,
navigated the land mines of raised toilet seats, schedules, dinner times,
toothpaste brands and my endless collection of shoes beautifully displayed on
the kitchen floor. We made it!! We still love each other---and like each
other. The challenges of the first year
made us better communicators, better listeners and has given us a respect for
each other’s feelings and opinions. I
could not imagine a better partner, a better friend and a better love than
his. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blending a family is hard---good golly, it’s way harder than
I imagined. Teenagers like me---they
have always liked me….but then again, they didn’t have to live with me. I was always cool and fun (at least in my own
mind) and offered wise words in a crisis.
Now, I sometimes look in the mirror to see if my leper’s spots have disappeared……
just sayin’. Blending a life is hard---I
am a morning person…..and The Man loves to sleep in……he loves his quiet time
and my quiet time lasts about 30 seconds and then I am off to the chatty races. But it works.
I have learned to keep my alligator mouth closed (to avoid the
aforementioned peppermint taste) and to sometimes speak my mind with a
confidence that only a trusting relationship can bring. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This morning, I heard a song that I quoted in my marriage
vows:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">Stay with me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">My love, I hope you'll always be<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">Right here by my side if ever I need
you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">Oh, my love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">In your arms<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">I feel so safe and so secure<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">And everyday is such a perfect day
to spend<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">Alone with you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">I will follow you, will you follow
me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">All the days and nights that we know
will be<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">I will stay with you, will you stay
with me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">Just one single tear in each passing
year<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">With the dark<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">Oh, I see so very clearly now<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">All my fears are drifting by me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">So slowly now, fading away<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">I can say<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">The night is long but you are here<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">Close at hand, oh, I'm better for
the smile you give<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">And while I live<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">I will follow you, will you follow
me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">All the days and nights that we know
will be<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">I will stay with you, will you stay
with me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #f4cccc;">Just one single tear in each passing
year there will be<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How lucky I am to have a partner whom I can follow and who
follows me back!!! Every day is a
perfect day to spend with him! If I
could reel back in that question about married life, I would answer it like this:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How lucky I am to find a partner who is willing to play with
me, who is wise, patient and loving, and who cares deeply about his
family. I have learned to be more
generous, more understanding and more……ME!
What a blessing it is to be fully me, fully seen, and fully loved. We have had so many adventures already: trekking through Costa Rica over suspended
bridges and down waterfalls—chatting with monkeys, frogs and sloths. We have bet on the loser at the Kentucky
Derby, been on live television for our picnic fare at the Indianapolis 500, and
dressed up as 80’s rockers for Halloween.
We left no Brunello behind while tasting through Tuscany and have sailed
almost to Canada on a small sailboat---Our list of adventures could go on for
pages. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday, we were married one year and one
month----blending is still difficult at times, we still disagree on the proper
way to eat chicken legs and our dysfunctions sometimes bump into each other…..but
I am truly having the time of my life with the Clyde to my Bonnie!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hopefully, my sandals will be safe……at least for a
while. <o:p></o:p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-62648325293296324032012-06-24T20:52:00.001-04:002014-11-20T13:51:28.824-05:00How I Know My Heart!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSiN63Hvj8gH0JIqMp_37YOZxlY1tfmEWHaJ_0df5BIadxGt3SKthPdmKkCteJlzXja2vGSLGAGj4_ne2U97EBGLRg6KhLicmSgkEGgJZR0yGJ4LqtrwPBP-QI51f7BiV_KejredZ5LaA/s1600/264575_10150240358130138_5832402_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSiN63Hvj8gH0JIqMp_37YOZxlY1tfmEWHaJ_0df5BIadxGt3SKthPdmKkCteJlzXja2vGSLGAGj4_ne2U97EBGLRg6KhLicmSgkEGgJZR0yGJ4LqtrwPBP-QI51f7BiV_KejredZ5LaA/s320/264575_10150240358130138_5832402_n.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My first wedding anniversary with The Man is tomorrow. It’s hard to believe that it has been twelve
months since we stood hand-in-hand amongst flowers and friends sharing our
hearts and committing ourselves to each other.
Looking back, I see a perfect day—one that expressed our hearts
completely. We had no traditions for the
sake of traditions – no hiding behind ceremony and pomp…..it was The Man and Me
proclaiming our vows in a very vulnerable and dynamic way…with moments that
twelve months from now I am still savoring!
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was a long journey getting from broken heart to fullness
of life—it wasn’t easy! I spent many a
night with a box of Tagalongs, a bottle of wine, and Under the Tuscan Sun. The Man pursued me with 80’s music I had
never heard of, quotes from G. K. Chesterson, and through his love of
cooking. We danced and we sang (actually
he sang) and we debated everything from the Easter Bunny to music to whether or
not dill should go in his Serbian salad.
Our hearts intertwined through mutual respect and joy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How easy it would have been to miss each other…… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have written many times about the importance of a List—you
know, a thoughtful list of the type of person you would like to share your life
with. Dating is one big job
interview---seriously….you are looking at the person, their interactions,
personality and character traits to see if you are a good match. If you can’t describe in detail the person
you want to be with, how will you know if you find them?? We like to think that there is a big “aha”
moment when we meet the “one.” The truth
is, sometimes our own dysfunction gets in the way of reality. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Consider this: when
one gets divorced, ideally, she will take time to look inside herself and grow
and change to be a healthier person. Many
people take years to unpack their issues – either on their own or in counseling
to move to a better place in their lives.
They begin to see the differences inside themselves and start
considering a serious relationship.
Sticking Point: if you choose the
wrong person, you don’t have a chance to take off the training wheels and use
the lessons you have learned to have a healthy relationship-----you go right
back into CrazyVille and that train ain’t stoppin for nobody. It is easier to find the wrong person than
the right person…….time always tells……and the wrong person can make anyone
crazy!!!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So back to my list and my butterflies….. Here is my list and here is the proof that I
am a very, very lucky girl!!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Passionate about God – this fits Veso to a tee……he eschews
“religion” for the real deal----and lives his life as a person compassionate to
others, giving and generous and seeks Truth.
This is something I appreciate so much about him!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Passionate about a cause.
What I am learning is that it doesn’t have to be MY cause that he is
passionate about – this one actually made me smile tonight. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nice Dresser – seriously, it may seem shallow, but I want to
be able to look across the room and think, “dang, my man looks
awesome!!!.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Has close friends - this is a must for me!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Attentive – This may be my favorite thing about him!!!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hangs back a bit….a watcher – After being with someone for
many years who resented anyone who stole the limelight from him, I wanted to be
able to shine on my own at times and not be resented for it. This was essential for my heart! I needed a man who measured his words and let
others speak and who was perceptive of those around him. V is so secure in who he is that he doesn't have to prove his worth by dominating conversations....he is generous in his listening to others. He wants to get to know people on a real level and get beyond the surface. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sweet – Check! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wants to grow – How refreshing it is to be with a person who
is ever improving and ever learning. It
inspires me to do the same!!!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Athletic – OMG – check!! I adore his soccer-man
bootie!!! <span style="font-family: Wingdings;">J</span>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Makes things happen – check!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Close to his family – quite honestly, this was so, so, so
important to me. I love my family and I
could never be with someone who was ambivalent towards theirs. V is a good son, a good brother and a very
good dad. I adore this about him! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Engages with other people – For a long time, I watched The
Man on the soccer field—observing how he interacted with others and how they
reacted to him. He truly engages with
other people, encourages them, asks them about their lives and laughs…..I love
his laugh!!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Entreprenurial, Professional – check! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Likes Art, Music, Food, and Travel – Blessed am I that he is
passionate about all these things!!!!!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Has a list of things he wants to accomplish – check…..not a
written out list, but he has a loose plan for sure!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Positive outlook – Very much so!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Reads – He is a true truth seeker and is constantly reading
and learning. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Likes to Dance – Hooray!!!!!!!!!! He is an 80’s dancing machine!!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Spontaneous – Way more than me for sure!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How lucky am I to have found someone who completely fits the
bill!! It doesn’t matter how “nice” they
are or how “cute” they are or how many butterflies they put in our insides….. they have to be right for you. My list is not your list….my priorities are not your priorities….. what matters
is being focused on the type of partner you need in life and becoming a good
partner yourself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel quite blessed that The Man and I crossed each other’s
paths and that we stopped long enough to realize that we were indeed a good fit…….
Had we not paid attention, we would have missed it. He is the love of my life….a partner in the
truest sense. He sees me----really “Sees”
me and gives me the confidence to be even More “Me.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love you, Babe! Happy
Anniversary! <o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-40853769720209632012012-05-06T12:17:00.000-04:002014-11-20T13:52:33.869-05:00Square Pegs and Wild Roses<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSTw08F0sNO7taTKFWjV9JJSA9kw0nyFDFi_FOParE8B4rqHzrVETF9K8GxZPoEOMb7o_UczXnPEDAgKPk9SZplFybrf5qpXBno2dYgdWaWwHJ6HgKzqNp3i1VFiMv9397myrS8qFprZc/s1600/IMG_1446.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSTw08F0sNO7taTKFWjV9JJSA9kw0nyFDFi_FOParE8B4rqHzrVETF9K8GxZPoEOMb7o_UczXnPEDAgKPk9SZplFybrf5qpXBno2dYgdWaWwHJ6HgKzqNp3i1VFiMv9397myrS8qFprZc/s320/IMG_1446.jpg" height="320" width="239" /></a>I have this rose bush at the end of my deck that spent the
last three years in a state of misery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Yes, it would bloom from time to time, but it looked….well…thin…and
pathetic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I considered digging it up and
replacing it with something better…..but I have an innate need to rescue
pathetic things and I just didn’t have the heart to abandon it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The way the previous owners shaped her, I had assumed she
was a traditional rose bush.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kept her
trimmed nicely, fertilized her and treated her with care…..with little
results.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My hero, Ray Hunt used to say “if
you do what you’ve always done, you will get what you’ve always gotten.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So…….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last summer, I spent time watching Ms. Rose and seeing how she
behaved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stopped trying to tame her
long shoots while still shaping her a bit so she didn’t sprawl out
everywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked myself what does she <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">want</i> to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a couple of months of observing her
natural, unmodified behavior, I realized that Rose wants to climb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wants to reach new heights, to explore
her surroundings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I allowed her to
sprawl a little….just a little….and was rewarded with beautiful blooms and a
thicker, happier rose bush.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She still
looked a little haggard.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This year, I decided to support Rose – to allow her to
climb, spread, and grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I purchased a
beautiful arbor to give her limbs support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I lovingly trained her around the iron design and let her be
herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This year, she repayed my
kindness in spades---or should I say flowers!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have the most beautiful blooms – and buckets of them!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rose is full and happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes, we treat our relationships the same way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We “manage” the people in our life—keeping them
in the box we feel is appropriate and although they may bloom from time to
time, they are a little thin and aren’t thriving they way they should.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We want to keep everyone in step and in
line.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Roethke writes in his poem Dolor
that he has seen the inexplicable sadness of pencils all lined up the same in
their box.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In business, we have to get
the right people in the right positions so they can thrive….in our
organizations, we need to do the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The harder trick is with our personal relationships---our children, our
spouses, our immediate family members.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If we are always getting frustrated and fighting against their natural
tendencies, we aren’t doing anyone favors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes we need to let others lead…..sometimes if we are gifted in
planning, we need to be okay with being the one who plans everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like the roses, we need room to be ourselves and we need to
allow others to do likewise…..and celebrate the blooms that reward our
efforts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-55992830459431603732012-04-16T22:09:00.002-04:002012-04-16T22:11:43.718-04:00A Letter to the Ex-Wife<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFWYuaiu_DD44PY4WSCyr3CrzKgLOcj-km9UpCx7E2NVbIm5CdbtlYCOI70NSztOhIOby4P0NFbyTKY7WXs6T5LH1fvLEtD2USUbEU313EIosmgDi2OmphhketwtQ9xycf9-XpB60uBCg/s1600/IMG_1132.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFWYuaiu_DD44PY4WSCyr3CrzKgLOcj-km9UpCx7E2NVbIm5CdbtlYCOI70NSztOhIOby4P0NFbyTKY7WXs6T5LH1fvLEtD2USUbEU313EIosmgDi2OmphhketwtQ9xycf9-XpB60uBCg/s320/IMG_1132.jpg" width="238" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">After meeting with a girlfriend and sharing common stories over a bottle of wine, it became apparent a blog must be written about <i><b>being</b></i> the new Mrs. X. A few weeks ago, I wrote a letter to the new Mrs. X with a few little hints for survival with my children and their mama bear (me)…but there was another letter I really needed to write but deep down, I am one big fried chicken….I don’t want to be misconstrued and I certainly don’t want to cause unnecessary drama….. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">But……as I put on my Wayfarers…….step into a pair of The Man’s boxers……pull up my tube sox and slide down the hallway to the tunes of Bob Seger……...I think to myself………sometimes…you just have to say what the flick…………flock……….fleck whatever it is that you have to say at such times……<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Dear Ex-Wife:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">We share a few special people in common. Being an ex-wife myself, I completely understand your position. I understand your frustrations…..I understand the need to emotionally distance yourself from a man who was in your life for a very, very long time…and I understand the emptiness that it brings. However, there are a few things that you need to understand about me. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am a good person. I like puppies and ducks….and baby chickies (at least until they grow bigger into scary chickens). One of the best things about me is my heart. I do think about your heart and I try as much as I can to have empathy and understand where you are coming from. Because my heart is big, there is more real estate to make me vulnerable…..your words can hurt me…they can piss me off…..they can make me apathetic…..they can send me on a shopping therapy spree lasting a whole weekend…..but there can still be hurt. Although I am a big girl and can hold my own, arrows can hit their mark. I expect you to trash talk to your friends, to your family, and to your man (after all, I have friends, family and a man, too)…..but please be sensitive……(I say this to myself as well). I don’t expect you to care about my heart, but words are long lasting things that sometimes have unexpected consequences. Sometimes we mean to hurt one person with them but they change direction and hurt someone completely unintended—like shrapnel. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You should know that I will never undermine you to your children. Period. Enough said….but it needs to be said. I would expect the same from my X’s new Mrs. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Know that I could be a great ally. I can be an extra hand. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">We have graduations, birthdays, and grandchildren to think about. How great would it be if we could all celebrate together!! <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You should also know that I understand your hurt. I understand the deconstruction of a marriage. I know betrayal, loneliness, and the scary feeling of being single at 40----holy cow…..don’t I ever know those things. However, I also know that my husband is a good father and a good man….part of the above celebrating together has got to include a peace treaty…..seriously. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Know that I can enrich your children’s lives – not in a competitive sense….not in a parental sense……but in the sense that I can bring things into their lives that are uniquely mine…..not in competition with you, but rather to complement you….. I have no motherhood to offer them – that is your job. I get the easy stuff….I know that….I didn’t change their diaper or hear their first words….but I am here to offer a word of encouragement, a sassy opinion, and even a project or two to work on when necessary. I bring two kids of my own to the mix….making it all a birth order fruit basket upset for sure….but their interactions enrich their lives…..and gives them more people to care about. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Lastly, I want to apologize for my own awkwardness. I come near you and I don’t know what to say…..I get tongue tied and go all shy-girl. You’ve been a part of the family much longer than I have and it can be a little intimidating. Please don’t misconstrue my social awkwardness for anything other than it is…… <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So….let’s call a peace treaty…..let’s love the kids in our lives…..and try to make things a bit less awkward…..I am game if you are. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">B<o:p></o:p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-87451719784703602352012-04-04T08:59:00.002-04:002012-04-04T09:48:05.595-04:00A Letter to the Future Mrs. X<div class="MsoNormal">A girlfriend and I had a long lunch with cocktails the other day. The topic du jour was being a Mrs. X –you know….the woman who marries your X who without fail will be criticized about everything from her parenting skills to her nail polish color to the number on the bathroom scale. We all hope the new Mrs. X will be dumb as a box of rocks, have a behind the size of Texas and, of course, make our X miserable so he will finally learn what a SOB he is/was. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">In reality, we should pine away for the perfect woman – someone who will be pleasant to talk to at family functions…..someone with a sense of humor so when Junior shows up at their house with his latest ant farm project and proceeds to drop said project on the floor shattering an ant world all over her kitchen……she won’t commit homicide….. We should want someone good to our children and who treats them with dignity and respect…….. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It’s a stinky job…..being the Mrs. X. You inherit all of the family disfunction….not just your own, but your Man’s, too. You not only inherit his family, his kids, the dog, the goldfish and the Bob Marley album collection---you also inherit his X…..let me repeat that…..yes, you inherit his X—who most probably will hate you till the day she dies. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">My X is getting married this summer. The new wifey isn’t exactly who I would pick to be the step-mom in my kids' lives…..but I wasn’t actually consulted…..and quite honestly, if I chose…..I would probably pick someone with the above qualities…..you know….dumb as a box of rocks and someone at LEAST a jeans size larger than me…..maybe even two…. BUT, in the spirit of charity, the Easter Bunny, spring lambs and April Fools day, I am giving the future Mrs. X a little help….just a little. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Dear Future Mrs. X:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I know you are madly in love with my X---I know right now everything is all tulips and sunshine and I genuinely hope that you two will be eternally happy….etc. etc. etc. Being a step-mom and dealing with me will not be a walk in the park……I apologize in advance. If the X and I could deal with our dysfunction properly…..well….he wouldn’t be my X…… Here are a few tips to make your life a bit easier as the new Mrs. X.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Treat my children kindly and with respect. This is non-negotiable. Feel free to enforce your house rules, but know that there is a line.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">At family functions, talk to my kids…..engage with them. Find out what they like and who they are…..they are pretty good kids…..I know they remind you of my existence and of a life you weren’t a part of…..but embrace it because they aren’t going anywhere.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Don’t try to drive a wedge between my X and our kids. Don’t badmouth their mother……..I have heard that she can go from zero to psycho in about 15 seconds……so keep your thoughts about my life to yourself and to your hubbie….don’t speak of them to my children. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">When you see me, be polite. It’s a scary thing being around the former Mrs. X….. I have been there….but remember, there are many weddings, graduations, birthday parties, and births to attend…… Better yet, bring a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses---we will probably both need a drink. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Encourage my X to spend time with his children…..make some new traditions (just don’t make them conflict with mine---remember that zero to psycho comment). Include them in your plans. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">And lastly, be patient….it takes more time that you ever thought for kids to warm up to the newbie. It takes more time than it should. But if you invest in their lives, you will eventually get a return. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">All the best,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Me.<o:p></o:p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-87226444818594960772012-01-19T10:25:00.000-05:002012-01-19T10:25:28.673-05:00Being SaltyHow I love the salt air…..ocean breeze….waves crashing over my feet….. After playing in the ocean, I am so delightfully salty. As an avid cook, I know that the right about of salt in a dish can meld the flavors and make the taste buds come alive! I was reminded this morning that I need to stay salty…..to enhance the lives around me….to make me even more…me. <br />
<br />
<br />
You are the salt of the Earth; but if salt looses its flavor, how is it to be seasoned? It is good for nothing else than to be thrown out. <br />
<br />
You have heard that it was said long ago, “You should not murder” and whoever murders will be in danger of judgment. But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without cause shall be in danger of judgment. Whoever devalues his brother shall be in danger of judgment as well. <br />
If you do good things (aka bring your gift to the altar) and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift and go your way. First be reconciled with your brother and then offer your gift. <br />
<br />
You have heard that it was said, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” But I tell you not to resist an evil person. If anyone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak also. Give to him who asks you and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away. <br />
<br />
You have heard that it was said, “you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I say to you to love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. If you love those who love you, what reward do you have? <br />
<br />
Reminder to self: Salt is always used to benefit other things. One does not simply eat salt. Salt dissipates so others can shine. But salt is glorious and valuable…just like me. <br />
<br />
I am Becky Pruitt-Lukovic and I approve this message!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-26255624440049403362012-01-04T10:16:00.000-05:002012-01-04T10:16:35.527-05:00Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:DocumentProperties> <o:Revision>0</o:Revision> <o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime> <o:Pages>1</o:Pages> <o:Words>435</o:Words> <o:Characters>2483</o:Characters> <o:Company>Bella Travel and Event Planning</o:Company> <o:Lines>20</o:Lines> <o:Paragraphs>5</o:Paragraphs> <o:CharactersWithSpaces>2913</o:CharactersWithSpaces> <o:Version>14.0</o:Version> </o:DocumentProperties> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/> <w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/> <w:OverrideTableStyleHps/> <w:UseFELayout/> </w:Compatibility> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeOmVDWM4f_oVkDkDXTu7_853yILGTNCjcMRZD5HGjbGwj2A4md4xO9YQzQJVb2aicypNKugeTAgLh-ATy8RHX8WT0q2T7dszc5kxgm7PpSy3rqnw-8lK1Js8pZMW-LoaCkwJEqlwfpa8/s1600/383352_2554623938993_1055768569_32708844_891782201_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeOmVDWM4f_oVkDkDXTu7_853yILGTNCjcMRZD5HGjbGwj2A4md4xO9YQzQJVb2aicypNKugeTAgLh-ATy8RHX8WT0q2T7dszc5kxgm7PpSy3rqnw-8lK1Js8pZMW-LoaCkwJEqlwfpa8/s200/383352_2554623938993_1055768569_32708844_891782201_n.jpg" width="107" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">Blending is not my favorite thing--unless of course it involves ice and lots and lots of tequilla....<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The art of blending a family is complex and takes the finesse of a virtuoso combined with the hardiness of a pirate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually I simply get that deer in the headlights look and freeze until just the right moment and then run.....smack dab into a Mack Truck!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Mateys.....We need Rum!! <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Blending is much harder than I anticipated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Teenagers love me.....my own kids typically love me.....well....typically..... I am fun....really.....I promise!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cook!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I listen....usually.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Blending is like living in a foreign country---everything I need, I have to go through my translator.....(Hubs) and everything they need, they go through the translator (dad).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel as if I must sit back and watch and wait for the pieces to connect----excruciatingly painful for a woman of action----and divest myself emotionally from the outcome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to be the grown up....I can't get my feelings hurt....I have to keep waiting and waiting for that moment where I get some sort of "tada!" moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did someone say Rum?!?!?!?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am not sure what exactly I envisioned----maybe the Waltons.....or Little House on the Prairie when they adopted Albert.....or....<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just want to hit that little button that says Blend------I want to make it happen instantaneously!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want them to be comfortable....I want me to be comfortable......I want The Man to be comfortable.....I want Junior and Chickadee to be comfortable......mostly I just want to have a family that loves each other and engages with each other....creating a new living breathing organism.....a beautiful blended family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The problem is that I get my feelings hurt......they get their feelings hurt.....The Man gets his feelings hurt.....and we all compartmentalize and talk to our translators.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes it feels as if I am on a reality tv show---negotiating back and forth....making alliances....and plans.....and super secret alliances....and super secret plans.... Rum!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We need more Rum!!! <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">At times, I feel caught in the middle in the fray between exes.....at times I feel left out...in my own home.....because this is a family that is not mine....they have a history I don't share.....I feel like an intruder....an interloper.....watching something beautiful from the outside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's a club I can't join......I'm not really even a step-mom.....I am simply Becky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some days I am okay with that.....and some days it just really sucks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">It's time to re-evaluate......to step up to the plate......to risk something in order to gain something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my fears that they won't like me, I have become something that is not quite myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the words of Ray Hunt, "If you do what you always do, you will get what you have always gotten."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's time to return to me......learn the language......ditch the translator....and take a risk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div><!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-61755482219549017302012-01-03T10:33:00.000-05:002012-01-03T10:33:45.901-05:00Resolved the Sequel....2012<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:DocumentProperties> <o:Revision>0</o:Revision> <o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime> <o:Pages>1</o:Pages> <o:Words>173</o:Words> <o:Characters>988</o:Characters> <o:Company>Bella Travel and Event Planning</o:Company> <o:Lines>8</o:Lines> <o:Paragraphs>2</o:Paragraphs> <o:CharactersWithSpaces>1159</o:CharactersWithSpaces> <o:Version>14.0</o:Version> </o:DocumentProperties> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/> <w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/> <w:OverrideTableStyleHps/> <w:UseFELayout/> </w:Compatibility> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJdhvYaYnTepuGMh3nvobdTgSoJm-jHHP-Zk5EMBuWyWbOEMHKBeWuFyfnHjIPYRtA1iNLXpBsWsA5l9v2iIUwRtsoJSg4SNpjcoCa2USUxV6abZpH6KhqgofELAIHd_0sDU8MEsZAmzk/s1600/IMG_1245.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJdhvYaYnTepuGMh3nvobdTgSoJm-jHHP-Zk5EMBuWyWbOEMHKBeWuFyfnHjIPYRtA1iNLXpBsWsA5l9v2iIUwRtsoJSg4SNpjcoCa2USUxV6abZpH6KhqgofELAIHd_0sDU8MEsZAmzk/s200/IMG_1245.jpg" width="149" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">2012 is here.....I wasn't quite ready for it's appearance, but since I can't seem to stop the sands through the hourglass, I need to make resolutions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Although resolutions have gotten a bad rap of late, I think they are necessary....at least for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The beginning of the year gives me a good reason to reflect and to adjust my course....to tweak what I am doing to refine the direction of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My resolutions aren't wishful thinking but rather mindful thinking.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">So....for 2012, I am resolved to:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Invite people over for dinner regularly and set a beautiful table.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Paint my guest bathroom.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Turn my eye-sore side yard into something beautiful (or at least begin).<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Attend networking events to promote my business.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Be brave and introduce myself. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Be braver and say hello to someone I've met before--even if I think they won't remember me.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Do some form of exercise every day-even by walking through the neighborhood.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Play Tennis.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Cook from a recipe more often to get more ideas.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Purge my clutter.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Offer more grace to those closest to me.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Discover something new.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">That is it in a nutshell......welcome 2012!!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's going to be a great year!!!<o:p></o:p></div><!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-48377381636153440442011-09-27T19:10:00.001-04:002011-09-27T19:46:10.756-04:00Well, They Call Them Xs for a ReasonI friend of mine sits on a bench at the courthouse checking email trying to look nonchalant. Toes tapping...brows furrowing....small sighs escape...tick....tick....tick....tick..... waiting....waiting...waiting... waiting.... The man beside her leans over and whispers loudy, "getting a divorce??" Surprised and completely off guard, my friend answers, "how could you tell??" The man leans back, smiles and says, "no woman looks this pissed sitting at the courthouse unless she is getting a divorce."<br />
<br />
What is it about our Xs that set us off--catapulting right back to the moment it ended--to the moment they broke our hearts--to the moments where we feel like we have to defend ourselves?? I <em>was</em> a good wife--you were just to self-absorbed to see it....I listened, cooked, cleaned, seduced, balanced the kids, the checkbook, the menu....I picked up your slack AND mine while making it seem effortless.....did I make it seem effortless?? Are you realizing my efforts now??? Do you see how much I did for you?? <br />
<br />
It's futile, really. I mean....really. If he was too self-absorbed to see it then, he will be too self-absorbed to see it now. But...to be honest, after 3 1/2 years of the divorce being final, I have come to the place where I don't care if he realizes it. Still....at times, I am held captive to the emotion of our undoing. Sometimes little chickadee or junior will say something that comes straight out of his mouth....or use the same catch phrases...or have the same mannerisms...and the fingernails start grating down the chalkboard. Breathe Becky....breathe.... Oh and Lord forbid The Man say something that reminds me of the X - I can go from zero to Betty B...B...B...B.... in 0.6 seconds. But that is now....and my friend is where I was then....in that spot where you just want to fast forward past all the formalities and get on with your life....but you are forced to interact and work together...and it Just-Feels-Like kaka. <br />
<br />
So what to do when you are in the thick of it??? Just smile....and remember.....that there is a reason we call them Xs.....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-37047999141141608222011-05-15T15:11:00.000-04:002011-05-15T15:11:06.557-04:00Turning TablesClose enough to start a war…..<br />
<br />
I am enamored with Adele. She has been one of my favorite singers for well over a year now—she just has a soulful quality about her voice. I have been meditating on this song for weeks now. It started with that statement, “Close enough to start a war.” Those are the hardest kinds aren’t they? The emotional battles with those we love—the abandonment we feel when someone “checks out” during a fight—the shame we feel inside when we know we are pushing them away….but we don’t know what else to do….after all we are <em>right</em>…we are <em>entitled</em> to speak our truth…we feel unheard, unappreciated and (my personal favorite) ignored. <br />
<br />
All that I have is on the floor….<br />
God only knows what we’re fighting for…<br />
<br />
In the midst of an all out cold war in the house…or maybe even in the heat of the battle, do I really know why I am angry/frustrated/ticked off?? Seriously?? Can I name it?? I have found myself a <em>bit</em> addicted to Grey’s Anatomy…it’s a new addiction actually…one fueled by the discovery that I can watch episodes through Netflix. In one episodes, the GI Joe doctor-man is seeing a therapist for his PTSD. The therapist says something profound—“you have to name it to examine it.” (or something along those lines). If I can’t name the feeling (rather than the action) then I am not really getting down to the bottom of things. If I can’t express why something is annoying me today when for the last six months it hasn’t been a problem, them I am not being honest with myself and with my loved ones. <br />
<br />
All that I say, you always say more….<br />
<br />
I have been guilty of expressing this feeling a lot lately. To keep the peace, I keep the peace…but sometimes peace comes with a price—emotional withdrawal—divesting myself in the outcome. Sometimes this can be beneficial…but most times, it is devastating. I feel unheard because I can be an emotional mute…afraid to act…afraid to speak…not because someone has made me afraid, but rather I am afraid of what I will say and the repercussions and stark vulnerability that sharing my heart brings. I <em>am</em> unheard because I don't speak...so my feelings of being unheard are correct--just misdirected....<br />
<br />
I won’t let you close enough to hurt me – no<br />
I won’t ask you—<br />
You would just desert me….<br />
<br />
Bingo!! If I share the depths of my heart—my fears, my hopes, my struggles and you don’t “get me” or you judge me…I will be devastated. Desertion is not just physical…it can be emotional as well. There is nothing worse than getting up the courage and asking—only to be shot down. The stakes are high when I am asking for you to be there with me and for me—even when I don’t deserve it. So instead, in the heat of battle, I turn the tables—I point the eye towards you to take the penetrating glare off of me. I put you in the hot seat so I can breathe. Coming from a former marriage where emotional desertion was the mode operandi has taught me the skill of the emotional bob and weave—to position myself where the hurt has the least impact, butstill function (somewhat) in the relationship. It’s a hard habit to unlearn…..trust me…<br />
<br />
It’s time to say goodbye—to turning tables…<br />
<br />
Yay!!! No more turning tables!! But wait…there’s more!! Adele’s answer is to leave the relationship so she can breathe. She can’t ask…because she is afraid of desertion…she has no idea what they are really fighting for….so she goes…she walks away for relief. Sometimes I want to go there….I want to pack my bags and head for Tahiti…sand in my toes…mai tai in-hand and forget how to grow as a person. I am a runner by nature—it gets scary and I hide behind the big old oak tree…peeping around the trunk to see if it’s safe. I am the deer who freezes upon danger and then bounds out of the way----and into a mac truck. I vow to freeze my fleeing feet into place and wait and allow myself to be seen….and to be loved. I vow to ask even when my knees are knocking and I have mentally pre-determined the answer. I vow to love and to be loved—to be fully visible even when invisibility seems safer. I vow to get even closer and not stray to the perimeter. Fully present, fully seen, emotionally honest. Here I am.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-6968623052722397612011-03-15T15:22:00.000-04:002011-03-15T15:22:31.144-04:00Mirror MirrorIt’s interesting, really. It’s interesting how living with someone creates a mirror reflecting back the state of your heart, your attitude and…well…..your messiness inside and out. <br />
<br />
There have been times in the last three months where I have wished I had an anonymous blog -- one where I could share the grit of my life….the struggles I have…my points of self-doubt and indecision. I have done that in the past in this blog when I was picking up and rebuilding my life….but I have found that it’s a precarious place to share publicly and openly when other people are involved….future spouse, kids, future step-kids. I have struggled with what to share and when, so I have taken a bit of a break to reorganize my blogging thoughts, to look at the future and determine whether the Divorced Diva will still be in existence….and have come to the conclusion-----Heck Yeah!! Even on my journey to become remarried soon…..my divorce (and my 16-year marriage) still shapes my outlook, my relationships, my fears and my desire to have breakfast at 11am on Saturday mornings just because I can. <br />
<br />
As I sit here typing on my couch, overlooking mismatched shoes on my living room floor, yesterday’s coffee cup on my coffee table and a stack of torn magazine pages containing recipes, ideas, and pretty pictures, I feel a sense of guilt. Guilt because I have been home for three hours and have done nothing but check email and watch Gray’s Anatomy. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not a bon-bon eating, tv watching couch potato…..that is not where I live….but I do visit there from time to time. It’s easy to appear neat when your man comes to visit from time to time, but it’s quite another thing when they share an address……..suddenly, those shoes that I hide at a moment’s notice remain on my floor…..my makeup is all over the bathroom counter and my dishes are still in the sink. The Man has stepped up to the plate. He cleans up after himself, he does dishes, he helps out around the house….it’s every woman’s dream…..that is….until he asks “can you hang that up?” Whoa….what?? You mean you can see my stuff?? My Klingon cloaking device no longer works now that we are engaged?? You can actually see my stuff??? Defensiveness rises up….excuses stream out like a burst water pipe. Deflect--deflect……well…..what about the fact that you left your water glass on the coffee table??? Huh?? “<em>You mean the one next to your coffee cup--s</em>???” Mayday… mayday…..I’m shot…I’m going down…. Parachute comes out and I descend the stairs to the safety of my couch. But then….there he is……wanting to talk.<br />
<br />
Talk?? In the olden days we had our own homes….our own space…..so if I felt a little….well…hormonal…..I could just make up some project to get done at my house, give him a kiss on the cheek and offer to bring over dinner. I can’t tell you how many loads of laundry The Man did at his house that were somewhat suspect----that is, I suspected them of being a smokescreen for space….and a nap…. Now, here we are together…..and all the mess of our lives are here to be seen…both inside and out. We are mirrors for each other---revealing the brokenness of our lives---but also revealing the beauty of those broken fragments….if we take a minute to discern carefully. That mirror has caused me a bit of distress in the last few months…..sometimes I get <em>tired</em> of having my crabby image ricocheted back to me….I get <em>tired</em> of talking about our disagreements….I get tired of <em>having</em> disagreements…… but then I take a minute and realize that he is growing roots - - oak tree roots--and he is not going anywhere. This is his home. He is no longer visiting….coming over for a play date…..he is home….with me. We are home together. <br />
<br />
So I will try to keep my mess to a minimum---both inside and out and learn to give more grace when his mirror is reflecting back at him….and understand.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-85145451444084623672011-01-13T15:42:00.000-05:002011-01-13T15:42:48.293-05:00Ode to My Computer - Grandpa GGrandpa G<br />
<br />
My Gateway MA3 <br />
wears slippers <br />
and uses a walker.<br />
<br />
Tick tock tick tock<br />
goes the grandfather clock.<br />
Tick…tick…tick tock<br />
Waiting…waiting…waiting.<br />
<br />
Soft foods only.<br />
No large, difficult files.<br />
His false teeth can’t chew bites<br />
……..like they used to.<br />
<br />
He is falling apart<br />
with creaks and groans.<br />
His battery pack needs frequent<br />
naps to recharge.<br />
<br />
Tick tock tick tock<br />
<br />
What’s that you say, honey??<br />
Sweet?<br />
No, delete…<br />
Replete??<br />
No, delete<br />
Treat??<br />
NO DELETE<br />
…….Blue Screen<br />
All my work is gone<br />
Every…last…word.<br />
<br />
My typing is too fast,<br />
he can’t keep up.<br />
He’s sitting in a chair <br />
in the middle of the mall<br />
waiting<br />
and forgetting why…<br />
<br />
Grandpa is six years old.<br />
That’s 83 in computer years!<br />
With all those new-fangled whipper-snappers<br />
coming on the scene,<br />
he seems as old as Methuselah <br />
and twice as slow.<br />
<br />
My Gateway MA3<br />
Wears slippers <br />
And uses a walker<br />
<br />
…….I need a MacUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-74548775663331291962011-01-03T11:48:00.000-05:002011-01-03T11:48:34.890-05:002010 in Review2010 was a great year but also a bit of a trying year. Little Junior (he’s almost 20, but I can still call him little) decided to join the Chickadee in Colorado and start his own life adventure. It was a year of adjustment for The Man and I - - we had come to the serious part of our relationship and there was a lot of uncertainty and tentative expectations. 2010 brought my Chickadee back home to live (not in my house, but nearby). This is also the year that I was finally able to bring my horses closer to me instead of living at the farm with the X. What a year of transition!!! <br />
<br />
2011 is full of promise!! It will be dubbed the Year of the Party as The Man and I plan a wedding and all of the festivities that come with it. This year is my 21st anniversary of my 21st birthday and so deserves a milestone celebration (any reason for a party, right???)….. I am contemplating my goals for 2011, but first, I have to review the goals of 2010…….. drum roll please…..<br />
<br />
Last year’s resolution post <a href="http://divorced-diva.blogspot.com/2010/01/resolvedthe-sequel.html">http://divorced-diva.blogspot.com/2010/01/resolvedthe-sequel.html</a><br />
<br />
RESOLVED……..I will take more bubble baths-at least 2 per month<br />
RESOLVED……..I will not use my credit cards<br />
RESOLVED......I will blog every single week<br />
RESOLVED……..I will promote my blog better<br />
RESOLVED……..I will exercise at least 3 times each week<br />
RESOLVED……..I will streamline my home-including filing and purging unwanted items<br />
RESOLVED......I will travel to Spain in 2010<br />
RESOLVED……By the end of the year, I will write a book<br />
<br />
It seems that 2010 was a bust in terms of attaining my goals…….they weren’t over the top, unrealistic goals……it just seems that life got in the way. That happens sometimes…..life gets in the way of all of our good intentions. I would like to say that I am the most organized and self-disciplined person……but in actuality, I am more of a free spirit who likes to color within the lines. Instead of wallowing in guilt that I did not meet my goals…..I feel like I need to list my accomplishments of 2010. <br />
<br />
See, I tend to be the type of person who feels guilty when she does not perform up to expectations----who the heck is setting these expectations anyway?? If I feel like I am disappointing someone, I cringe inside and run away….hide my face……and hope they give me a bit of mercy. The Man points out time and time again how I am doing so much but I can’t see it. Case in point…… <br />
<br />
<em>The Man: What did you do today?</em><br />
<em>Obsessive Me: Not a thing….I didn’t accomplish anything, today--I feel so guilty!</em><br />
<em>The Man You don’t have to feel bad for not doing anything…..it’s okay. </em><br />
<em>OM: It’s just that all these other things got in my way today and kept me from doing anything - I wrote two papers, a blog post, read my reading assignment for school, planned half of a trip to Rome, answered some emails, followed up on feedback from a real estate showing and went to the grocery. However, my bathroom is messy, my filing needs to be done and I didn’t get my linguistics homework finished….</em><br />
<br />
Seriously…..I think I need a 12 step program…….except I think I would obsess over getting all of the 12 steps done in record time……<br />
<br />
In 2010, I….the Divorced Diva…..<br />
<br />
Embarked on the journey to finish my degree in English.<br />
Earned a 4.0 for 12 hours in the Spring Semester.<br />
Anticipate getting 4 A’s for the Fall Semester (unless I get a dreaded A-).<br />
Learned that there is a poet inside of me.<br />
Blogged for two or three different websites.<br />
Learned about Old World wines.<br />
Started a new business with my daughter - Bella Event and Travel Planning.<br />
Took a road trip from Colorado Springs to Indianapolis with 5 people and a dog, two cars and a U-Haul.<br />
Planned my family’s first destination Christmas.<br />
Began tennis lessons.<br />
Learned basic Serbian.<br />
Learned basic French.<br />
Hosted a Kentucky Derby Party which was a raving success.<br />
Used my neighborhood pool for the first time.<br />
Learned to cook purple hull peas with my grandma.<br />
Tended a garden with the hottest jalapeno peppers ever.<br />
Created a flower bed in my back yard.<br />
Gave horse back riding lessons after 5 years away from the sport.<br />
Got a perfect score on my final paper on Dante’s Inferno.<br />
Became engaged to an amazing man!!!<br />
2010 was a good year…….but 2011 will be even better.<br />
<br />
Stay tuned for my Resolutions………ones that allow me to color with pretty colors but within the lines. <br />
<br />
Cheers!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-32897572740416298212011-01-03T11:11:00.000-05:002011-01-03T11:11:14.776-05:00Shiny Happy People<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3M43AtJnY2T_5YK3UXkEOBsJtC0LkJ7ZWlnm725Hc-X9QHK55_hothYzM5QlgX-5YDTAPmkhU7mrPgalPTCcNGJLFLmy-XXbd3mavzKcEBkq7B5_YjrDu4nsWd1kqtz5HeQwXbvW9grM/s1600/11+11%253A08%253A26+AM" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3M43AtJnY2T_5YK3UXkEOBsJtC0LkJ7ZWlnm725Hc-X9QHK55_hothYzM5QlgX-5YDTAPmkhU7mrPgalPTCcNGJLFLmy-XXbd3mavzKcEBkq7B5_YjrDu4nsWd1kqtz5HeQwXbvW9grM/s200/11+11%253A08%253A26+AM" width="149" /></a></div>Oh how I love shiny, sparkly things---especially shiny, sparkly things that come in small packages. On Christmas Day, I awoke to the sun shining in beautiful Isla Morada. Christmas is my favorite day of the year……it’s just so full of promise, surprises and creativity. On Christmas, you are literally surrounded by wrapping paper, colorful bows, stockings full of candy and smiling faces. It’s the day of Champagne, Cinnamon Rolls and ham and cheese quiche. The day is simply buzzing with happy energy. <br />
<br />
When I peeped my eyes open, I looked over at The Man and said, “Santa was here…..wake up!!!” He groaned a bit and said, “It’s earrrrrrrly.” I wiggled a little closer, scrunched up my shoulders, smiled and said ever so sweetly, “Santa was here!!!!” I was so excited to give him my present that I couldn’t sit still. <br />
<br />
Since this was a destination Christmas, the family was simply filling each other’s stockings with no other presents given. The Man and I had decided to give each other simple presents with a dollar limit (although I did have my doubts as to whether either one of us would stay within the parameters). My gift was simple and practical……. something he needed but a little nicer than he would purchase for himself. I bought him a NICE pair of Nike winter running pants and a warm Under Armour-type shirt (he’s a soccer player). After he opened my gift, he said……”I need to get your present.” Suddenly……I am a bit nervous.<br />
<br />
He tells me to close my eyes and cover them with my hands. I hear shuffling in the closet and wonder what exactly he is doing. His quiet footsteps stop in front of me and I feel him sit down beside me. <em>Open your eyes.</em> I held my breath…..and willed my eyes to open……and before me is a dark red box with silver lining…..housing the most beautiful ring in the history of rings. I look at it, not sure what to do next…..my heart is racing….unsure but yet completely sure. <em>Now this ring comes with a question</em>. Pause….. pause…pause…..pause……. I feel like a little pooch waiting for a treat……I just might jump up or bark or leave a little tiny excited puddle……I am so very, very excited!!! I look into his eyes and he smiles at me……<em>Will You Marry Me???</em> Yes!!!! Yes!!! Yeeees!!<br />
<br />
He puts the ring on my finger…..it fits so perfectly…..it is so beautiful!!! We hug for a very long time. <em>I wanted to give you this ring today because I know it is your favorite day of the year and I wanted this day to be extra special.</em> Sigh….. We spend the next hour telling each other the deep things in our hearts…..of how we feel lucky to have found each other……of the reasons we fell in love with each other. It was a moment to be savored and we savored every minute of it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-2248560339020465802010-12-08T09:31:00.003-05:002010-12-08T09:42:56.895-05:00Grandma's Banana Puddin<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimfqKuIw5qttqbuiH89rM-b-VPZFjrnDjbyA3Xs3UDtge2uO4h1yq5XtV7UJdmw0ivkCLQbcoMN4zuJBTEwuC7gOZjiUiflyuW_hpxhqXaFABSznIJFS7MmylThd048vBKuZrM1eWYcAE/s1600/July+Arkansas+019.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimfqKuIw5qttqbuiH89rM-b-VPZFjrnDjbyA3Xs3UDtge2uO4h1yq5XtV7UJdmw0ivkCLQbcoMN4zuJBTEwuC7gOZjiUiflyuW_hpxhqXaFABSznIJFS7MmylThd048vBKuZrM1eWYcAE/s320/July+Arkansas+019.jpg" width="320" /></a>No holiday would be complete without my Grandma Haley’s Banana Pudding. As a matter of fact, so family gathering would be complete without having a bowlful of this rich banana/custard/vanilla combination…..heavenly….the perfect end to a laaarrrge meal!</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">This holiday season, The Man and I hosted a Southern/Serbian dinner for a few of our friends. For my contribution, I made Chicken and Dumplins, Dressin, and my grandma’s Banana Puddin. Although I have a recipe that I love for Banana Pudding, I used the recipe I learned from her this summer….OMG…..perfect! </div><br />
Here is the recipe:<br />
(this is for a small batch, I doubled the recipe for my party and put it in a larger bowl)<br />
<br />
2 cups of milk (warmed in the microwave or on the stove - prevents lumps)<br />
1 cup sugar<br />
Pinch of salt<br />
½ cup flour<br />
2 eggs beaten<br />
Ripe Bananas <br />
Vanilla Wafers - don’t skimp and get the generic - if you are in the south, use Jackson, otherwise any good brand will do. <br />
Stick of Butter<br />
Tsp vanilla<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBN6-Kar_nRF7SlSwlBy39rhGUPaZCEalLYjwmg2PI_E_Oyee3w8A3Vos8uIhtppRwJv2BsBkfnieJdTW3RYrqOMoa8LzOlvrmnf2VivPp8P-ZK_BeSEuRHzW-GSU2Fa2dy8oZ4an0D4s/s1600/July+Arkansas+018.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBN6-Kar_nRF7SlSwlBy39rhGUPaZCEalLYjwmg2PI_E_Oyee3w8A3Vos8uIhtppRwJv2BsBkfnieJdTW3RYrqOMoa8LzOlvrmnf2VivPp8P-ZK_BeSEuRHzW-GSU2Fa2dy8oZ4an0D4s/s200/July+Arkansas+018.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>In a bowl, combine flour and sugar and a pinch of salt. Stir eggs into flour/sugar/salt until it makes a paste. Add a bit of warm milk to thin the mixture and pour into a medium saucepan. Turn on heat to somewhere between medium and low ( you have to gauge this - you don’t want lumps, but you don’t want to stand in front of the stove until your gray hairs multiply). Stir constantly (stirring with a whisk helps) to keep custard from sticking to the bottom. When the mixture is thickened, turn off the heat and add a stick of butter and vanilla. Stir until butter and vanilla are combined with the custard. <br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Find the prettiest bowl you own - I typically use cut glass bowls. These photos were taken at my Grandma's house and we used a square, handled white dish For this recipe-the small batch, the bowl doesn’t have to be large….medium-sized will do perfectly. If the bowl is too big, your layers will not have a lot of custard. If it is too small, the bananas and wafers get lost in all of the custard. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinO2S2bcRGOqVp36mmyLXAUXwZF1MPYG-KnuKPiZ2oBbtcYZXL8wyALparsekCAf_nf_T-Uez0fyRGfDavNXgkLtLZIBWWgBErqzyvPfZc_8TKVRAG8IrwYaZQ3WS2kBv_V7ix-YDPfkA/s1600/July+Arkansas+017.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinO2S2bcRGOqVp36mmyLXAUXwZF1MPYG-KnuKPiZ2oBbtcYZXL8wyALparsekCAf_nf_T-Uez0fyRGfDavNXgkLtLZIBWWgBErqzyvPfZc_8TKVRAG8IrwYaZQ3WS2kBv_V7ix-YDPfkA/s200/July+Arkansas+017.jpg" width="200" /></a>Layer….vanilla wafers then custard then small slices of bananas (the important thing is that the wafers are on the bottom, otherwise it makes no difference). Layer a few times - end with a layer of custard on top and put wafers upright around the edge of the bowl, sunk halfway into the custard. I typically put a few wafers in a design on the top of the pudding. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>Per my grandma’s tradition, I do not serve this dish cold (except for leftovers--which are amazing in their own right). I serve it warm or room temperature like a custard-based pie. Enjoy!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-42336736812463431252010-12-05T22:14:00.000-05:002010-12-05T22:14:26.450-05:00Dream and LuckyI had to write an allegory for my Literary Masterpieces class in our last test. I kind of liked it and wanted to share - - by the way, my horses are named Lucky and Dream...... Enjoy!<br />
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Today, as I went out to the barn to brush my horses, I put on my coat of despair. Winter is setting in and dark dreary days are ahead of me. Bills are piling up on the counter and there isn't enough jingle in my pockets to satisfy them. Lucky walked up to me and nuzzled my shoulder. "Why do you despair?" he seemed to say...he smelled my coat in deep breaths and sighed, "I am here...you can ride on me anytime...wind in your hair....and be free." He whispers in my ear...."grace...you have grace..." Dream whinnied from the distance. A half-broke filly full of energy, she prances across the field tail fanned out, bright eyed daring me..."Catch me....run after me....I am yours if you just try." I take off my coat of despair, jump on Lucky and start chasing Dream....and I feel free.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-56230983569100222010-11-29T15:06:00.000-05:002010-11-29T15:06:54.617-05:00Diary of an Angry Greek WomanMy first encounter with Medea was in the early days of dating The Man. He invited me to a movie, <em>Medea Goes to Jail</em>. He mentioned that this was a continuation of the Medea movie, <em>Diary of an Angry Black Woman.</em> I was *so* excited….I just love documentaries… the grit, the true life stories and this one sounded right up my alley. I pictured Africa…Johannesburg…women marching for equal treatment... When the first preview came on, my excitement came to a screeeeeching halt. *Oh* Tyler Perry is not an artsy indy filmmaker. Um…yeah… The Man kept glancing at me nervously at every punch line wondering, “why isn’t she laughing??” I kept subtly glancing at him, “did he just <em>laugh</em> at that?” Time moved in slow motion - the complete opposite of warp speed - I tried to smile and look cute…feign interest…wishing this movie theater served something a little more potent than milk duds…..<br />
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That was my first encounter with Medea. Imagine my surprise this semester when our assignment was to read <em>Medea</em> by Euripides. Tyler Perry just went up a notch in my mind. Medea? There is <em>another</em> Medea? I was instantly intrigued. <br />
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It’s an age-old story, really. Girl leaves her homeland…her family…her friends…to marry her hero - the celebrated Jason (as in Jason and the Argonauts). She helps him create his fortune by assisting him in his quest for the golden fleece. She is smart, beautiful, loyal…..he becomes her life….she has his children and is a devoted wife. They are the ultimate Power Couple--the Ken and Barbie of Ancient Greece. With her brains and his ambition, they can go places. That is…..until he traded her in for a new model….young, cute…..and a princess to boot. I can picture their conversation in my mind…..Medea: “But<em> I</em> got you where you are today - it was with <em>my</em> help that you succeeded.” Jason: “I would have succeeded <em>with or without</em> you…you really didn’t do <em>that much</em> to help…it was by <em>MY</em> hard work that I got where I am today.” I see Medea standing there….hearing those words that tore her heart….pleading with her husband to stay…not to abandon their long marriage. My heart starts to pound…my blood is reaching its boiling point…. Jason: “and just think…..it will be <em>much</em> better for the kids…..they will have little brothers and sisters who will be heirs to the throne….think of <em>them</em> for once…think of the <em>opportunities</em> it will give our children.” annnnnnd the Waterford crashes into the living room wall. I wonder - is he related to my X?? Early ancestor, maybe?? Jason: “I am sending you away - but you’ll have a nice house.” CRASH! Jason: “Why can’t you just accept this? You are so difficult!” CRASH- CRASH-CRASH-CRASH!!! Sister, I am there!! I am there in spades!! <br />
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Medea is devastated, hurt, angry, and alone. She has lost her husband, her friends, her house, and her lifestyle. She is one angry woman. She plots…plans….and manipulates her circumstances in order to bring him pain. She becomes a woman obsessed with showing the world how much he hurt her---to show the world what a bad father he is--to show the world that <em>she</em> is right and <em>he</em> is wrong. <em>He</em> was unfaithful not her….why is <em>she</em> being punished? She wanted to work on the relationship--he didn’t….the world needs to know that Jason…the revered Jason is a fraud. Medea looks for the way to cause him the most pain - - and she finds it….through his children. <br />
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In Euripides’ story, Medea plots to kill her children. I would be hard-pressed to find any woman willing to stoop to that level to cause their X’s that much pain. However, quite often I see women (and men) attempting to kill the relationship between their children and the other parent. It’s so subtle….a comment here and there about how unreliable they are, about their financial support, about their new girlfriend. I see them scheduling play dates, family outings, or girl scout meetings on the other parent’s weekend. She ignores simple, reasonable requests. She brings them late or picks them up early…..and visitation becomes a hassle in the children’s mind. Mom is happy because she feels vindicated because the kids chose to stay with her during Dad’s time. <br />
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I understand…..I am there sometimes….pick me not him….pick me not him!! Sometimes I just want to push the X off his pedestal like a kid playing King of the Mountain. Just one push…one quick hard push…. Why should <em>he</em> get to be the good guy?? It’s not fair!! I work hard to be a mom. I make the difficult decisions. I sacrificed for my family…stayed home to be a mom instead of finishing my degree and starting a career. But here’s the thing - kids need their dads <em>and</em> their moms. My new mantra is, “they are an X for a reason.” What he does now isn’t part of my current equation - he is my X-husband…..but he is <em>not</em> my kids’ X-father. He may not keep his house the way I would keep my house (holy cow, it would involve a bulldozer), he may not keep the children accountable like I would (just call him Mr. Cha-ching) and he may not date women I think are appropriate (I would prefer they be actual grown-ups) :) but he is still their dad and I need to give their relationship the utmost respect. <br />
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Your kids may never see how he wronged you….how much he hurt you….how you are the superior parent. To be honest, although that is a gratifying thought, it’s not a healthy thought. Part of me wants my kids to see it, but part of me knows that if and when they do, they are going to experience my pain, feel my abandonment, and mourn the daddy they once knew who has now fallen off his pedestal. It’s not worth it. My vindication is not worth my child’s heart. <br />
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Just walk away knowing that he is an X for a reason…..and whistle a happy tune.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-17143589067777749302010-10-20T12:49:00.000-04:002010-10-20T12:49:27.045-04:00Rant, Rant, Rant, RantI saw something today on Twitter that just made my blood boil! I considered responding, but on social media I try not to be <em>too</em> controversial….to be Miss Congeniality….to go with the flow….free speech and all that jazz. Besides, how can I say what I want to say in 140 characters--be short, concise and to the point without sounding like….. well… witchy.<br />
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“…..because the suburbs around #Indy are devoid of culture, diversity, & local flavor; our suburbs represent what is wrong with the US.” <br />
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Wow! That is one of those comments typically prefaced in a conversation by, “no offense, but….” and you <em>immediately</em> know that it <em>is</em> offensive. <br />
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So as a resident of zip code 46033, otherwise known as Carmel, IN,<em> <strong>I</strong></em> am what is wrong with this country?? Or maybe not <em>me personally</em>, but my neighborhood, or maybe my township or let’s just say Hamilton County as a whole!! Wow - that is a pretty bold statement!! <br />
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In my experience, one can find groups of people devoid of diversity, culture & flavor in most <em>any</em> zip code. Let’s use Broad Ripple for example (not that I have anything against The Ripple, but it’s a good example to see my point of view). Many people would say that Broad Ripple is a center for diversity and culture in the city - - that is, people <em>under</em> the age of 30. If I go to Broad Ripple on any given evening, I see <em>mostly</em> white faces. If I go to the restaurants in Broad Ripple, same thing. Now BR has amazing ethnic restaurants, stores with cute hippy flowers everywhere, the smell of sandalwood and incense and beers for a quarter…but all I <em>see</em> are young, white people (and a few of us oldies but goodies reliving our past on an occasional night out). I actually see more diverse faces here in Carmel at Target than I do there. <br />
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Regarding flavor - I guess that is how exactly you define flavor. Growing up in the south, food was meant to be savored and had multiple layers of flavor and texture. I grew up with New Orleans, Memphis, and Dallas cuisine with a dollop of Mississippi Delta cookin in the middle. It was interesting to me a while back to hear a lady remark that southern food had <em>little</em> flavor….that it all tasted the same….fried. Seriously?? She had been eating at southern chains like Dixie Café way too long!! Southern food is <em>bursting</em> with flavor….and if it's not, we have a bottle of Tabasco right on the table to take care of that. If you <em>expect</em> to find flavor, you <em>will</em> find flavor…..if, however, you are looking for <em>one certain</em> flavor, you may not find it….and be disappointed. You may drive through our neighborhoods and see homogenous homes, but that doesn’t mean that the people <em>inside </em>them are homogenous….or devoid of flavor, culture and interest. <br />
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As to culture - culture is of the eye of the beholder. Why is “culture” defined as the dreadlocks, tattooed set ready to protest rally at a moment’s notice? Why is culture defined in one's zipcode - I live on Mass Ave, therefore, I <em>must</em> be cultured. Can I wear a business suit and still be seen as cultured?? What if it was hiding my tattoos?? What if I cut my hair super short, dyed it blonde and wore men's trousers? Would I be cultured then?? I am basically the same person with different window dressing.... What if I gave a million dollars to the arts last year and resided in Carmel?? Would I be cultured then?? What if I looked like your average, every-day American woman but who happens to love art, theater, dogs, books, and is learning French and Serbian to complement her basic rudimentary Italian so she can continue to travel the world with her backpack - Am I cultured?? What do I have to do to get into the cultured club (not to be confused with Culture Club and Boy George....and by the way....would HE be considered cultured??) But I digress....<br />
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Is culture simply a prevalence of theaters? What if I don't even go to the theater....can I still be cultured? Is culture defined by an abundance of people from other countries? <br />
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In Hamilton County, there is actually a large number of foreign residents - - just take a look at the soccer fields at Off the Wall Soccer and listen to how many different languages you hear. I have friends in Hamilton County who are Indian, Serbian, Russian, French, Greek, Irish, Spanish, Latino, Lebanese, Swiss, African-American, Turkish, Jewish, Gay, Workaholics, Housewives, Artists, Out of Work, Tree Huggers, Religious Far Right, Hippies, and just plain old whitebread Americans. <br />
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But my point does not lie in numbers. I am sure that within the loop, the actual numbers are higher. My point and my issue lie in the perception that the suburbs are what is wrong with the US. While I respect greatly the freedom this person has to say those things, I wonder if she would respect my freedom equally. I have overheard people speaking about the stupidity and selfishness of conservatives - somehow conservative ideals are much inferior, however, if a conservative were to espout these same comments, they would be seen as [gasp]<em> intolerant</em> and subsequently disqualified from the human race. <br />
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What <em>is</em> wrong with this country is that we don’t give a damn! That’s right - no matter what your zipcode is, what your color, background, gender, sexual orientation, whatever….we are so busy with our lives that we can’t stop for a moment and give to someone else. We will spend beaucoup dollars helping rescue dogs (albiet a great cause) <em>but </em>we will not help a starving homeless person or help an at-risk child with their homework. We see the suffering in countries such as Sudan, India, and Rwanda and turn a blind eye…not even allowing our hearts to warm up <em>for a moment</em>. Our hearts are cold and we get enjoyment out of attacking each other instead of working together to help others. That is what is wrong with this country. <br />
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Sister Twitter user - I know men and women <em>in the Suburbs</em> who spend their extra time and their extra money (1) mentoring at risk girls, (2) helping under-served women in prisons and elsewhere (3) helping displaced women prepare for job interviews and telling them they are beautiful (4) building schools in distressed countries (5) tutoring children in homeless shelters and on…and on…and on…and on…. Don’t tell me that <em>we,</em> as residents of the suburbs<em>,</em> are the problem. The suburbs are not the problem. Thought Nazis come in all shapes, colors and creeds - - if the only opinion you EVER find valid is your own, then you are closed-minded. I don’t care if everyone around you agrees with you…if the media agrees with you…if your mentors agree with you…..if you refuse to listen or RESPECT the views of other people…..if you refuse to RESPECT <em><strong>people</strong></em> with a different ideology than you….if you refuse to RESPECT <em><strong>people</strong></em> who live in a different zip code simply because of your PERCEPTION of them, then maybe….just maybe…you are the problem, too. <br />
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(picture me handing you a glass of a fabulous red wine as a truce offering)….Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-5774200240684014412010-09-21T16:23:00.000-04:002010-09-21T16:23:24.933-04:00The ScriptI was watching <span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Must-Love-Dogs-Widescreen-Diane/dp/B000BNX3B4?ie=UTF8&tag=divdivsguifor-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">Must Love Dogs </a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=divdivsguifor-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=B000BNX3B4" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px! important; padding-left: 0px! important; padding-right: 0px! important; padding-top: 0px! important;" width="1" /></span>the other day with John Cusack and Diane Lane and the male lead character (boat making-man) makes a comment that women write a script for men to follow and if somehow they go off script, they are “out”….gone….kaput. Now, I have seen this movie several times and every time I hear that line, I am like……”whatever..”…..that is….until this last time. Listening to those words brought back a memory of a recent discussion the Man and I had.<br />
The Man had offered to help me with a few yard projects over Labor Day weekend (I know----he’s amazing!!!) but, quite honestly, I was a bit skeptical of whether or not he would actually follow through. Now….I <em>do</em> want to give a disclaimer….The Man has <em>always </em>come through for me (unless catastrophe strikes) and any part of me that has skepticism comes from my feeling of being last on the list in my marriage. It’s a knee-jerk reaction for me at times, but I am <em>working</em> on it. <br />
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I had to work that Saturday morning and we had plans for the evening, hence time was short for such a large project. The Man offered to come over in my absence and create the flower bed taking out all of the grass around my newly planted hostas, lilies, etc. Yay!! I was so excited! <br />
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Well….<em>excited for a little bit</em>. I wanted to remind him……OMG I was like a <em>crack addict</em> I wanted to remind him SO bad! I just <em>knew</em> he would forget….was <em>banking </em>on it!! My heart started beating a bit faster….I checked my phone….no word from him that he was at my house. I <em>know</em> he is going to forget….get busy…hang out…whatever and decide to do the project another day. I literally started getting upset, “he <em>knows</em> this is important to me…I <em>knew</em> he would forget.” So I waited…..and waited...and my recalcitrance to nag became an attitude of, “<em>if</em> I am important, he <em>will</em> remember.” My worries and more importantly, my expectations of him not coming through sent my heart rate through-the-roof!! <br />
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I get in the car, hands shaking, writing the “speech” I am going to give him when I get home and he is not there. I am going to call him on his cell--all aloof like I don't care about the stupid flower bed.... I wrote the <em>entire</em> speech…..and then wrote <em>his response</em> to my speech and <em>my response to his response</em>. By the time I got home, I was totally ticked! Why?? Because<em> I</em> wrote the script - cast the characters, plot, motives…the whole nine yards. I walked through my door ready for battle and saw my sweaty man…drinking a glass of iced tea and I would <em>like</em> to say that I melted. But quite honestly, it took me a few seconds to gather up my emotions inside myself. He looked at me, smiled and said, “you thought I would forget.” I said, “yes, I did.” The Man replied, “I will always come through for you, baby.” And it was then that I melted. <br />
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Moral of the story: Throw away the script! Shred it!! Burn it!! We seem to think that if we control the plot or at least know what is going to happen that we buffer ourselves from disappointment. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Remember the last time you wrote your script? Remember?? When your self-fulfilling prophecy came to pass, you (that is…..if you are like me) probably said to yourself, “I KNEW IT!” By setting your expectation of disappointment early, the fire of your discontent is at full swing by the time the act actually happens. You have fanned the flames of anger preemptively. By scripting it all out, it makes it easier to check out because you are disappointed, to withdraw emotionally….to create a situation where the punishment doesn’t jive with the offense….a situation where the other person comes into play after you have been stewing on it for hours, days, weeks….and they ask what the big deal is (not knowing that you have been ticked off preemptively for hours now). Baby, that script ain’t no good--ain’t no good at all!! <br />
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If you must write a script, create the expectation of love and respect...of kindness and compassion. Treat them as the people you hope they will be - expecting good things. Buck Brannaman once said at a horse clinic, "treat your children as if they are already who you want them to be. Treat them like they are intelligent, respectful, responsible and they will become intelligent, respectful, and responsible. If you treat them like that are irresponsible, dis-respectful and stupid, that is what they will become." The word become is crucial. We are all on a journey...on our way to becoming our best selves. Remember that the next time you get out your pen and start writing that script. Just wait and see what happens and go from there. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-43038594185912475832010-09-15T16:39:00.000-04:002010-09-15T16:39:15.507-04:00Temptations....No Bake Cookies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE6py_XX0dXe8h2IDybSFceoYZcj6d4XrvzLzysQ6Qgpk02FmzLL4fqlMbD6gdAqQ2gkC4MUe2JQw3MzwuZrJjjNjU0tdhgrYUzjXFcYf_DaS3sYowMzSvX-sp13_XoEqOWc1QQuMcmSY/s1600/No+bake+cookies.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" qx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE6py_XX0dXe8h2IDybSFceoYZcj6d4XrvzLzysQ6Qgpk02FmzLL4fqlMbD6gdAqQ2gkC4MUe2JQw3MzwuZrJjjNjU0tdhgrYUzjXFcYf_DaS3sYowMzSvX-sp13_XoEqOWc1QQuMcmSY/s320/No+bake+cookies.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>The other day, I was desperate for chocolate.....absolutely, positively desperate. I tried water, I tried wine, I tried healthy salsa, but my momma's no bake cookies were calling my name. After posting a photo on facebook, I was asked for the recipe.....so here goes. My momma calls them boiled cookies, some people call them prailines, some cow patties....no matter what you call them, they are sure to satisfy a hefty chocolate craving. Luckily, the man took the rest to the office or I would have been in a chocoalte coma after 24 hours. <br />
<div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">Boiled Cookies</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">3 Cups of sugar</div><div align="left">4 Tbl cocoa (I use Hersheys or Hersheys dark, although I use other higher quality cocoas for other things, the Hersheys work best for this recipe)</div><div align="left">3/4 Cup whole milk</div><div align="left">1 Stick of butter</div><div align="left">Dash of Salt</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">Mix ingredients into a saucepan over medium heat, stirring often. Put out sheets of waxed paper (or aluminum foil) on your counter top/table top. Bring mixture to a good rolling boil (more than a few boil bubbles, a nice hearty boil) and boil for 3 minutes. (This is actually one of the few times I use a timer.....if they are undercooked, they won't harden.....overcooked and they are dry). Remove from heat and add:</div><div align="left">1/2 Cup peanut butter</div><div align="left">2 Cups oats</div><div align="left">1 Tsp vanilla</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">Stir briskly and quickly drip spoonfulls on your waxed paper. Let sit until hardened. </div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">This recipe is so easy! Let me know how you like it! </div><blockquote></blockquote>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-42373664446796213612010-08-20T13:19:00.000-04:002010-08-20T13:19:51.148-04:00Cooking with GrandmaCheck out my guest post on <a href="http://www.recipelion.com/">http://www.recipelion.com/</a> Cooking with Grandma. After reading it again, I am suddenly hungry!!! <br />
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Here is the link. Enjoy! <a href="http://blog.recipelion.com/guest-post-cooking-with-grandma/">http://blog.recipelion.com/guest-post-cooking-with-grandma/</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2349590021420274895.post-39533339783354759472010-08-19T14:12:00.000-04:002010-08-19T14:12:28.518-04:00Introducing HRH, The Princess of ArgyleIntroducing……..HRH, The Princess of Argyle. <br />
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Imagine if you would a little girl in a sparkly pink dress with layers of ruffles underneath. Her long blond hair is in ringlets with pink, silver, and white ribbons intertwined. Her tiny fingernails are painted a delicate pink with a smattering of glitter. She twirls sparklers and ribbons and sometimes big golden pinwheels. The Princess giggles incessantly and skips from place to place in her white patent leather shoes with frilly white socks (pre-labor day, of course). <br />
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Despite her frills and her sparkly frocks, the Princess desperately longs for adventure - to be found worthy - to be important. She wants to play an important part in the world - to offer hope and beauty - to console the suffering - to rescue puppies and kitties. <br />
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Not content to stand still and look pretty, the Princess has been known to pull on her daddy’s boots, slip on a piece of armor, and wield his heavy sword in mock battle. She dreams of the day when she can defend the family honor…..save the day…..and be seen as worthy just like her boy cousins. <br />
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Life goes on and she learns to use his shield - mostly to protect her heart….to hide the fact that she is shaking in her boots when conflict comes. Large shields are adept at hiding hot tears from her attackers. She learns that the sword can gives her power - power to be brave….to be heard….to be in control - but that sword can also pierce the hearts of others with wounds that sometimes never heal. <br />
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This Princess - this little girl lives inside of me. There are times when like Cinderella, she had worn rags and dreamed of better days and there are times where she has shined in all her glory. Sometimes I get protective and don’t let her shine - using the shield to hide her sensitive heart. Sometimes, I pull my daddy’s boots on, grab his shield and the sword so heavy I am not sure I can wield it…….saying…..be brave…..show your worth……show you are worth something….that losing you is painful……and I fight with all my might. I hold down my princess-heart emotions, refuse to see the heart of my opponent and be valiant. <br />
Oh I talk a good game – I act brave and seem to approach things head on…..but deep down inside, I am still a little girl in a pink dress wearing her daddy’s too big boots and armor wielding a sword with all her might to valiantly protect herself from an evil king saying, “you’ll never beat me” all the while wishing someone would come riding up on a big horse, rescue her, and put her safely in the castle with a glass of milk and some cookies. This little girl longs to be brave, to prove that she is worthy…….but if she stops for a second, she will simply just break down and cry. <br />
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There is a song by a 90’s Christian group called Small Town Poets with a line that says, “If you let me love you, we’ll sit here and cry.” Sometimes that is all I want…… <br />
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Can that happen?? Can I be brave and un-brave?? Can I be adventurous yet fragile? Can I protect and allow myself to be protected? It’s complicated……..but that’s why I am a Princess.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0