Friday, December 11, 2009

Adventures on

Last year, after the Rebound Guy and I called it quits, my girlfriends and I had dinner at this cute, quaint Italian restaurant in Broad Ripple. After we had all deconstructed every relationship under the sun, the girls suggested I create a profile on an online dating site….namely Appalled, I announced….”I do not have trouble meeting men…” to which they responded…. “WHO?? Who have you met that is dateable??”

Still….I was not convinced…..not sure that an online dating site was for me….it just seemed so….so….mercenary!! The girls assured me that it wasn’t so….that online dating could be a positive thing…after all, one of the girls actually married her “Match.” Thanking them for their concern, I said I would look into it…..knowing that there was no way in Hades that I would ever do it……

After a lonely night on the couch with my other girls….a box of Tagalongs and a bottle of red wine…….I decided to stick my toe in the water and see what happens. I created a profile….not one of “come hither” or “looking for a life mate..” but one that was a little sassy….a little “I dare you to date me!” The photo I put up was not exactly the most flattering. It was of me waiting at the airport after a looooong flight from Paris….waiting….waiting….waiting…. (hmmm….maybe there is a little symbolism there)….
Looking back, I think I was more curious than anything of just what would happen….

Day 1
6am……I wake up….check my email….and holy holy cow!!! Emails--lots and lots of emails!!! This was completely unexpected…..and a little strange….I had created my profile at 11pm….do these people work??

5pm…checked again…more emails….great!! Not lonely anymore!! I have people to email with… talk to… be e-flirty with!! Life is good!! I have fan mail!! Yay!

Day 2

Return emails……check out my “winks” and wonder why some people wink and some people email….is there a difference?? Is one method better than the other?? I wish I had a guidebook as I am suddenly clueless as to the “rules” of the game.

Day 3

What??? They want my phone number??? Really??? Why?? I am not sure I’m comfortable with strangers being able to call and text at any time…. My phone is the most important part of my being… is with me 24/7/365…. No way Jose!!

Day 4

Getting some hate mail…..from those whom I initially responded to (I always thought anyone who takes time to email me should get some sort of response…but the emails grew insistent and a little bit cr-azy and I stopped responding).  Obviously on Match…. Response=Interest…. Holy cow!! This is sooo complicated!! I was just being nice….and encouraging…not playing games.

Day 5

Meet?? I am not ready to meet anyone…. I want to email them a bit first to see if we click.  Called my guyfriend wondering what the heck is up with this meet thing…. why are they so insistent??  They don't even know me.  He informed me that, “Becky…’s called because they want to meet somebody….it’s not called or” Somehow, I thought the time frame would move a bit....well....a bit slower.  Obviously…..I am much too guarded for this type of process….. Meeting a stranger I have emailed once or twice and who already wants to date me seems a bit……well….odd.

Day 6

Emails……avoiding phone conversations……avoiding meeting in person….. but...I like fan feels good to my wounded little heart...  Realized I can see who has checked out MY profile….. reconciling the list of viewers with the list of winks and emails…… asking myself….. why didn’t this one wink….or email……why didn’t that one like me?? Suddenly, I felt under a microscope……and finding myself irritated at people who judge the worthiness of a person based on a few arbitrary parameters (this coming from the woman who is looking for a man at least one inch taller than her X….)…..

Day 7

Sigh…..this is so very time consuming…..

Day 8

Friday night…..why are these people on Match?? Why aren’t they out meeting people?? Oh….wait…..why am I on Match and not out??  Added some better pictures… Thinking I should actually meet someone in person and resolving to do so…

Day 9

Fan Mail!!! Yippee!! I have found the one….well….the one I have decided to meet in person….for coffee….I have had hundreds of one-on-one networking meetings…so this should be no different……. Famous last words!!!

******To Be Continued*******


Catherine said...

I have to laugh. I've done Match a few times over the 5 years since my divorce, and I've met some doozies. I also met my current boyfriend on Match. He winked at me and it took me a week to reply; in my experience, people winked because they didn't have a subscription. But, he replied within an hour of me "winking" at him. The relationship got off to a slow start but we're coming up on 4 months now.

I hope your coffee date goes well -- remember to let a girlfriend or two know where you're and who you're with. I would always send my best friend all the contact information I had on the guy and check in before/after the date.

Becky P said...

Thank you for the advice, Catherine!! Alas, my adventures did not last long.... I had some "interesting" dates... and spent WAY too many late night hours searching...analyzing... lurking...

Fortunately for me, I met my current man through a friend (I like to think of it as "referral" dating) - - it was completely unexpected...

Good luck with your new relationship..... 4 months is quite a dating milestone!!

Keep me posted!


Jon said...

Set up Google Voice. It's free. This would allow you to give out a phone # that is not your cell. You can set up calls to be forwarded to your cell and/or home. I use it for my business and love it.

Becky P said...

Thank you for the tip, Jon! I hadn't heard about Google Voice...

Stephen M. James said...

Back in college, e-harmony matched me with my wife's best friend at the time. So I like to say it was close, but not perfect.

I would think the best way to figure out which ones to meet is to ask deep questions like what's the purpose of their life or how would they spend their last day on earth. I would think this would scare anyone who wasn't serious away. I'm always amazed by the number of people that I ask what they like to do and they say watch TV.

Becky P said...

That is too funny and too wierd that eharmony matched you with her best friend.....

Good one on the questions to ask.... one never knows though as initial impressions can be deceiving.... The Man (who I am dating now) was absolutely positively going to be put in the "friend box" because I wasn't sure that we were a good dating match..... but I knew I liked him a lot.... I am so glad that I was a bit more flexible and waited to see what would happen....