There is nothing I like more than a good Mexican restaurant…..it’s my little slice of heaven! I go because I can get my fill of chips and salsa (and then take my dinner home in a “to go” box). Normally, I am not a chip eater, but give me a little fresh, chunky salsa and I will eat basket after basket after basket.
What is it about those chips that keep me coming for more, even though I know they aren’t good for me?? Why don’t I just eat the salsa with a spoon for goodness sake?? There is just something about the crunchiness and the saltiness that relieves my stress - that conquers my frustration for the moment…..that just plain tastes good.
I am typically a happy person - my disposition is sunny 90% of the time…I smile…I bubble…..I laugh…..unless, of course, I have to deal with my X. Now, I try really hard to not have a chip on my shoulder about our marriage…..I really do. The X and I can be in the same room, we can sit by each other at Junior’s games, we can make polite conversation - - BUT if we need to work together in any capacity, my frustration hits Defcon 5 in a matter of minutes. I get defensive…..I get frustrated……I get impatient…..I want to throw my Blackberry across the room and jump up and down like a three year old. In short, the sunny disposition flies right out the window.
Last week, I spoke with the X about Junior’s visitation schedule…..well...he is older and we don’t really have a schedule….which is probably part of the problem…. My expectations were not being met (do you hear the chips crunching?)…. I was determined to have a polite conversation about the amount of time they were spending together. During the conversation, I felt he was not taking my concerns seriously (crunch)….to which he responded defensively…(crunch..crunch…crunch)….and my response was not much better (crunchcrunchcrunchcrunchcrunch)… Our conversation ended with him declaring, “Becky, you can no longer tell me what to do!”
Waitress…..could I have some more salsa please?????
Bitterness is like that - it changes your perspective - gives you funky glasses to look through (in my case funky glasses with rhinestones curving over the top)…. Bitterness changes everything. Just listen to people talk after an election….if their candidate didn’t win, the world is going to hell in a hand-basket. The newly elected official is second cousin to the devil once removed - nothing they ever do will be right. I have asked many a friend, “how can you hate someone you don’t even know?”
Marriage and Divorce can be like that, too. Expectations are not met and bitterness sets in……which turns in to gripiness and complaints….which turns into anger….and then even hate. But why? What does it solve? If I have a chip on my shoulder when I deal with my X, how does that improve my situation? Oh, it might feel good for a moment to “give him a piece of my mind..” but then what?? I have eroded any goodwill we may have created in the months past - I have set myself up for future failure. So why not just accept that he is human and has faults (oh does he ever)….just like I am human and have faults (very few I might add)…
Push the basket of chips aside….forgo the salsa…..and just enjoy life.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
25 Things About Me
Okay - so the 25 Things About Me craze has reached all of my Facebook friends and I am now obliged to share two dozenish things that inquiring minds want to know about me…..so what better medium than my blog. As one friend put it, my blog and Facebook page are “like the operations manual to Becky Pruitt.” So here goes…..
I am a romantic……love the cute nicknames, picnics, candlelight dinners, presents, happy notes, holding hands….the whole shebang - - if it is sappy, think BP
Even as a kid, I joined everything and tried to learn everything - I was in girl scouts, 4-H, church groups (several at once), took baton lessons, piano lessons, dance lessons, gymnastics, craft classes, joined library groups, school groups, leadership groups, community service projects - you name it, I was involved…
I tend to be a complex being - am very girlie but am happiest when I am outside hiking in the mud, sleeping in a tent, swimming in the lake, on a horse moving cattle….
When I am stressed, my house turns looks like it was hit by a tornado - otherwise, I am pretty neat.
I tend to put every man I like into the dreaded “friend box.” If I really like you, it’s like the kiss of death - but it means that I want you around for a while……
Dancing is one of my favorite things to do - - doesn’t even matter what kind - ballroom dancing, salsa dancing, hip hop dancing, disco, little kid dances, the Happy Dance when I do well in golf……I love it all!!
I am terrified of clowns.
Most of the time, I talk to the people driving around me - but it’s typically encouraging…sweetly willing them to turn quicker, drive faster…..I may even make up a cute nickname for them……seriously…..it’s almost always nice….. “come on sweetie, you can do it…..go ahead…turn…..you’re okay…turn….come on….” It’s somewhat odd…
Mornings are my favorite time of the day……..there is rarely a morning that I don’t just bubble over with energy.
I have a thing for coats…..and shoes…..and purses…..
My favorite way to travel is “on the fly” - go to Europe with a railpass and a backpack and a rough itinerary and just “go.”
I am terrified of heights…….but am a roller coaster FREAK.
I can speak in front of people without pause, but ask me to sing…….um…..not going to happen.
My car has a name - Carlito - he also has personality……I talk about him so much that people may think we are dating……”Carlito is not happy today…”
I love cows - love to watch them, listen to them eat, smell them
I shop when I am upset……if I can’t shop, then I purge unwanted items out of my closets and drawers.
Writing is my outlet - I feel like I can best express myself when sitting down with my thoughts pen to paper (or fingers on keyboard). I work through most of my issues this way.
I used to teach Sunday School to junior high and high school students. I like to think that I made an impact - or at least gave them perspective - my favorite things to do were (a) standing on chairs (b) throwing candy (c) throwing shoes (d) drawing pictures
I love football - but only like to watch teams I like on tv. Live high school and college football rocks!!
In high school, I hated to run so much that I would get an “F” in PE for the day rather than run.
Not only can I ride a horse and rope a calf, I can also wrestle a 300 pound bull calf to the ground and cut off “the boys” with my pocketknife - a skill I have passed on to my stunningly beautiful daughter **boyfriend take note**. (sexy huh!!)
Bo Duke was going to marry me unless Shawn Cassidy swept me away first.
As a kid, I really thought animals could talk if I listened to them hard enough. I was constantly testing this theory and encouraging them that they could talk to me (yes, I am a dork)……as a result - Grizzly Adams was my hero - I even had his lunch box - in the shape of a log cabin (the top was curved).
I love, love, love to cook! The more complex the recipe, the better...... however, simple things like pancakes, meatloaf and fried chicken give me fits - I just can’t seem to get them right, much to my dismay…
I am a shutterbug - I love to take pictures - absolutely love it!! It’s my creative outlet. To me, pictures record a life….
Enjoy!!!
I am a romantic……love the cute nicknames, picnics, candlelight dinners, presents, happy notes, holding hands….the whole shebang - - if it is sappy, think BP
Even as a kid, I joined everything and tried to learn everything - I was in girl scouts, 4-H, church groups (several at once), took baton lessons, piano lessons, dance lessons, gymnastics, craft classes, joined library groups, school groups, leadership groups, community service projects - you name it, I was involved…
I tend to be a complex being - am very girlie but am happiest when I am outside hiking in the mud, sleeping in a tent, swimming in the lake, on a horse moving cattle….
When I am stressed, my house turns looks like it was hit by a tornado - otherwise, I am pretty neat.
I tend to put every man I like into the dreaded “friend box.” If I really like you, it’s like the kiss of death - but it means that I want you around for a while……
Dancing is one of my favorite things to do - - doesn’t even matter what kind - ballroom dancing, salsa dancing, hip hop dancing, disco, little kid dances, the Happy Dance when I do well in golf……I love it all!!
I am terrified of clowns.
Most of the time, I talk to the people driving around me - but it’s typically encouraging…sweetly willing them to turn quicker, drive faster…..I may even make up a cute nickname for them……seriously…..it’s almost always nice….. “come on sweetie, you can do it…..go ahead…turn…..you’re okay…turn….come on….” It’s somewhat odd…
Mornings are my favorite time of the day……..there is rarely a morning that I don’t just bubble over with energy.
I have a thing for coats…..and shoes…..and purses…..
My favorite way to travel is “on the fly” - go to Europe with a railpass and a backpack and a rough itinerary and just “go.”
I am terrified of heights…….but am a roller coaster FREAK.
I can speak in front of people without pause, but ask me to sing…….um…..not going to happen.
My car has a name - Carlito - he also has personality……I talk about him so much that people may think we are dating……”Carlito is not happy today…”
I love cows - love to watch them, listen to them eat, smell them
I shop when I am upset……if I can’t shop, then I purge unwanted items out of my closets and drawers.
Writing is my outlet - I feel like I can best express myself when sitting down with my thoughts pen to paper (or fingers on keyboard). I work through most of my issues this way.
I used to teach Sunday School to junior high and high school students. I like to think that I made an impact - or at least gave them perspective - my favorite things to do were (a) standing on chairs (b) throwing candy (c) throwing shoes (d) drawing pictures
I love football - but only like to watch teams I like on tv. Live high school and college football rocks!!
In high school, I hated to run so much that I would get an “F” in PE for the day rather than run.
Not only can I ride a horse and rope a calf, I can also wrestle a 300 pound bull calf to the ground and cut off “the boys” with my pocketknife - a skill I have passed on to my stunningly beautiful daughter **boyfriend take note**. (sexy huh!!)
Bo Duke was going to marry me unless Shawn Cassidy swept me away first.
As a kid, I really thought animals could talk if I listened to them hard enough. I was constantly testing this theory and encouraging them that they could talk to me (yes, I am a dork)……as a result - Grizzly Adams was my hero - I even had his lunch box - in the shape of a log cabin (the top was curved).
I love, love, love to cook! The more complex the recipe, the better...... however, simple things like pancakes, meatloaf and fried chicken give me fits - I just can’t seem to get them right, much to my dismay…
I am a shutterbug - I love to take pictures - absolutely love it!! It’s my creative outlet. To me, pictures record a life….
Enjoy!!!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The Grande Pity Party
Now I have been known to throw a pretty good party. As a matter of fact, it could possibly be one of my favorite things…..it doesn’t matter if the party is at my house or a venue, thrown for a couple of people or for a hundred - it makes me happy. I have even been known to thrown a pretty darn good pity party when the mood strikes……these parties are the ones I try to keep on the QT……there is just no pretty dish to make what I am serving there more palatable.
Nothing puts me into full throttle pity party mode than guilt - single-divorced parent guilt to be exact. You know the kind - the guilt that starts will little Junior getting a bad report from a teacher and ends with the finely tuned orchestra in your head playing yet another rendition of, “If you were a better parent, Junior would be an angel…” I know that song well.
As a single parent, I often feel as if I am playing the role of both parents - being both cheerleader and disciplinarian…coach and line judge….windshield and bug. At times, I try to convince the world (and myself) that I am a good parent. The cycle is predictable - worry…guilt….defensiveness…..guilt….crabbiness…irritation…..more guilt…anger…..phone call to the X….more defensiveness….more anger…more guilt… emotional exhaustion
What I have learned in the last year is that I cannot coerce, manipulate or otherwise guilt my X into being the picture of what I consider a good and proper Charles Ingalls dad to be. He has his own picture (possibly of Fred Flintstone) that he is emulating. Any attempt to coerce, manipulate, guilt or even reason him into my “picture” is met with a resistance of grand proportion. Our vision of parenting was not the same in marriage…so I am not sure why in the world I would think that if I just talked long enough…and passionately enough, he would “buy into” my vision. Honestly, I am sure he is on the other side of the phone thinking…..just shut up…..but he is typically somewhat polite and waits for the opportune moment to flee.
Being a single parent is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It’s not just the quiet house or the strain of being both household parent figures - - I feel alone on the journey. There is no one to brainstorm with, to be the voice of reason, to collaborate punishment options….. Although the X and I never really saw eye to eye in the parenting realm, I do miss our conversations about the kids - the sharing of dreams and disappointments….the feeling that we were Bonnie and Clyde…..going in no holds barred and then running for our lives in fear.
Looking back over the last year, there have been times where I have failed as a parent - I have been crabby out of sheer exhaustion, I have been too quick to mentally blame their father for their actions, I have both over-reacted and under-reacted. This year, I have been too busy….too needy….too tired. What I need to learn is to cut myself some slack - give myself a break - and then do likewise to my kids and my X. When there is slack in the rope, there is no push/pull….and then you have a partnership.
Nothing puts me into full throttle pity party mode than guilt - single-divorced parent guilt to be exact. You know the kind - the guilt that starts will little Junior getting a bad report from a teacher and ends with the finely tuned orchestra in your head playing yet another rendition of, “If you were a better parent, Junior would be an angel…” I know that song well.
As a single parent, I often feel as if I am playing the role of both parents - being both cheerleader and disciplinarian…coach and line judge….windshield and bug. At times, I try to convince the world (and myself) that I am a good parent. The cycle is predictable - worry…guilt….defensiveness…..guilt….crabbiness…irritation…..more guilt…anger…..phone call to the X….more defensiveness….more anger…more guilt… emotional exhaustion
What I have learned in the last year is that I cannot coerce, manipulate or otherwise guilt my X into being the picture of what I consider a good and proper Charles Ingalls dad to be. He has his own picture (possibly of Fred Flintstone) that he is emulating. Any attempt to coerce, manipulate, guilt or even reason him into my “picture” is met with a resistance of grand proportion. Our vision of parenting was not the same in marriage…so I am not sure why in the world I would think that if I just talked long enough…and passionately enough, he would “buy into” my vision. Honestly, I am sure he is on the other side of the phone thinking…..just shut up…..but he is typically somewhat polite and waits for the opportune moment to flee.
Being a single parent is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It’s not just the quiet house or the strain of being both household parent figures - - I feel alone on the journey. There is no one to brainstorm with, to be the voice of reason, to collaborate punishment options….. Although the X and I never really saw eye to eye in the parenting realm, I do miss our conversations about the kids - the sharing of dreams and disappointments….the feeling that we were Bonnie and Clyde…..going in no holds barred and then running for our lives in fear.
Looking back over the last year, there have been times where I have failed as a parent - I have been crabby out of sheer exhaustion, I have been too quick to mentally blame their father for their actions, I have both over-reacted and under-reacted. This year, I have been too busy….too needy….too tired. What I need to learn is to cut myself some slack - give myself a break - and then do likewise to my kids and my X. When there is slack in the rope, there is no push/pull….and then you have a partnership.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Resolved
As it is only the 12th day of January and I already seem to be struggling with my New Years Resolutions, I thought it would be imperative to put them in writing and publish them for all to see…..that way, maybe I will actually truly resolve to make changes….so here goes…
Resolved…….I will run 10 miles per week - EVERY week
Resolved…….I will read 2 Pulitzer Prize winning novels this year
Resolved…….I will be 5 minutes early - ALWAYS (did I really just commit to that?? eek!)
Resolved…….I will drink 64 oz of water every day
Resolved…….I will go sailing (have never been)
Resolved…….I will learn to play polo (took one lesson last year but want to actually be able to play)
Resolved……I will entertain more at home
Resolved……I will learn more French vocabulary
Resolved……I will find a place to have my morning tea…and go there regularly
Resolved……I will find a beer I can drink in the summer on a boat
Resolved……I will actually go out on real dates not the friend kind….not the networking kind…real honest to goodness dates
Resolved……I will spend my 40th birthday in Tahiti
Who I want to be - I want to be:
-Relational
-Organized
-Successful - Professional
-Happy
-Connected
2009 is the year for:
-girlfriends
-creativity
-taking a risk
-being brave
This is my mission statement for the year: Becky Pruitt strives to be a relational yet organized professional who is connected in her community and seeks to be content and happy in her life. By taking risks and being creative she will broaden her life experiences. Becky is committed to deepening her relationships with her girlfriends through shared experiences and lots of wine and chocolate.
Resolved……2009 is going to ROCK!!
Resolved…….I will run 10 miles per week - EVERY week
Resolved…….I will read 2 Pulitzer Prize winning novels this year
Resolved…….I will be 5 minutes early - ALWAYS (did I really just commit to that?? eek!)
Resolved…….I will drink 64 oz of water every day
Resolved…….I will go sailing (have never been)
Resolved…….I will learn to play polo (took one lesson last year but want to actually be able to play)
Resolved……I will entertain more at home
Resolved……I will learn more French vocabulary
Resolved……I will find a place to have my morning tea…and go there regularly
Resolved……I will find a beer I can drink in the summer on a boat
Resolved……I will actually go out on real dates not the friend kind….not the networking kind…real honest to goodness dates
Resolved……I will spend my 40th birthday in Tahiti
Who I want to be - I want to be:
-Relational
-Organized
-Successful - Professional
-Happy
-Connected
2009 is the year for:
-girlfriends
-creativity
-taking a risk
-being brave
This is my mission statement for the year: Becky Pruitt strives to be a relational yet organized professional who is connected in her community and seeks to be content and happy in her life. By taking risks and being creative she will broaden her life experiences. Becky is committed to deepening her relationships with her girlfriends through shared experiences and lots of wine and chocolate.
Resolved……2009 is going to ROCK!!
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